Day 29: Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Who me?  YES YOU!

It was me, I confess.  The cookies... all the cookies and all the candies that are missing from life right now have probably been eaten by me.  I love Weight Watchers, but when they allow you to eat what you want within your points, sometimes I do just that, I eat what I want.  I eat raw fruits and veggies and then consume the rest of my points in sweets, my most arched nemeses.  I also know that I am an emotional eater, but not necessarily always on the negative emotion side.  I love to 'treat' myself.  When I have worked out once, maybe even twice a day, I feel like I need to have sugar, I NEED to eat treats.  How to get over that?  I'm not sure I'm afraid.  That is something I seek to know, seek to change.  Suggestions?  Anybody dealt with that?  Magic Cure?  I need to figure out how to control that.

I think I need a plan...

I struggle to plan ahead.  I'm pretty good about planning ahead for lunch, I have a shelf in the fridge at work for my food and I know the point value of everything on that shelf.  It's all the other delicious treats and foods that arise in my day that I have a hard time saying 'no' to.  I have my breakfasts planned out as well depending on if I do a morning workout or not and what my time constraints are.  Dinner and "evening time" always get me to.  I love to experiment and cook things for my hunk-a-burnin-love at night and I'm not necessarily even hungry when I eat them, but I made them, so I'm not gonna say no.  EPIPHANY!!  I DON'T SAY NO.  Not really to anything.  I say yes to anyone who needs me, I say yes to any task thrown my way and I say yes to food.  I seek to please, I'm a pleaser.  I don't want to be one to ask for help, I want to be the one in control that other's come to.  I know this, I guess I didn't realize it transcends directly to my food habits as well.  I am constantly busy, I rarely have a night or a moment during the day where I don't have something to do or have something planned or say yes to extra work or commitments.  Because I am constantly on the go, I say YES to food choices I know I should say NO to.  But because I didn't plan ahead for that part of life, I allow myself to cheat, to make bad choices and to ultimately quit.  I say things like "I just go too busy".  Taking care of myself physically just goes to the back burner so I can please others and step up and be the BEST at everything.

This is what needs to be different....I need to plan and to say NO.  I need to know my limitations, to set goals, to set boundaries and seek to complete those to the best of my abilities.  So much easier said than done.  I want the best for my life and for myself, so I work myself to be the bone, so I can have more so I can be more in this life.  But I won't be able to enjoy it if I don't say NO to myself.  I need to say NO, when I want to get 'too busy'.  Let's be honest, when am I not busy, never.  I feel like I constantly wait for life to slow down, for the busy "season" of the year to pass me by and then I realize it never comes.

So tomorrow is weigh in day.  I am nervous, as I will always be on weigh in day.  But the cookie monster in me and my self-treating is what I'm worried about on the scale.  I have swam laps the last two mornings and walked on top of that.  I'm gonna hit the pool again tomorrow before I weigh in, hoping my body doesn't absorb too much water before weigh in.

Goal for this week is to plan.  Plan out my meals and snacks for the next week.  To eat ONLY the things I plan, to say NO to all the extras.  Tomorrow's weigh in post will include my weeks worth of meals for all of you.  I want to be accountable to what I plan, so I will then post at the end of the week what I actually ate.  This could prove to be difficult as the SuperBowl is Sunday and I am making food for my man's friends that are coming to watch at our place.  I aim to impress with my food, so I will need some limitations on myself for that day.

Working on control this week, self-control...

Day 27: The candy man can cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.

Man I love candy.  I'm watching Willy Wonka on tv as my blogging background of choice.  It's a temptation that I can't eat, thankfully.

After my enlightenment about the scale, Thursday took a quick downturn for this woman.  The day started off with an unexpected phone call that sent me rushing to work for some forgotten items.  ugh!  I hate when that happens.  I planned on sleeping in and doing things from home, but instead I had to shoot out of bed and get myself rushing.  I did decided that me having to rush to work on my day off meant I could stop for a latte, but when I got there, the line was soooo long, there was no way I was waiting in that mess, so I opted to just suck it up and down some satisfying ice water instead.  I got quite a bit done at work, and then had a surprise visit from my brother and we go a chance to meet up and go to lunch!  We headed to an amazing Puerto Rican restaurant and I indulged in some sweet potato fries and a delicious pulled pork sandwich covered in veggies.  The sandwich was so good, I didn't need to eat very many of the fries and the best thing about the pork was it wasn't slathered in bbq sauce, but it was slow cooked in some amazing spices in a broth.  I was a great choice and it was so delicious.  I was feeling good about lunch choices thus far.  I headed back to work to get a few more things done before I go to head out with one of my amazing teens.  We were headed to a training to some much needed shopping for her special event.  I did however fall into the desk candy trap this week.  I did a round of encouragement for my staff on Wednesday night, which kept me at work until 9:30.  Who can write encouragement notes with adorning the envelopes with sweet treats.  Sweet treats of choice this week were Dove Hearts.  Ahhh!  I'm a sucker for Dove hearts and anything chocolate really.  So, I've been 'treating' myself multiple times a day.  I seriously have no control over chocolate, which is why I can't have it around.  I need to do some more encouraging soon and send out the rest of my temptation.

There was a great veggie and fruit spread at the training I went to with my special young lady.  Perfect!  I can have all the fruits and veggies I want.  Training got over quickly and we headed out to our shopping extravaganza.  This trip was a huge success and we all got what we wanted!  Shopping for this special event also includes dinner out.  May I remind you that I already went out for lunch, so this was meal #2 out on the town.  We decided to try the new Hard Rock Cafe downtown Seattle.  So instead of going for a salad or a lighter dinner, be both went gung ho for the huge burger and fries with an onion ring and bacon. Damn!  It was delicious, but I had some remorse hanging out in the back of my head and the bottom of my stomach.  It was the first time since I started this journey that I had eaten until I was uncomfortable.  I hate being uncomfortable in my clothes due to overstuffing of the mouth.  Not good moments.  Upon arriving home, my pooch was desperate for a walk, but I was so full that I couldn't even move.  FAIL #2 for the evening.  I do believe however that before I went to bed that I was able to complete my ab set for the night.  A small redemption after a day of failure.

Friday was a much better day.  I had time to stop for a latte, the line was long, but I had time, so I waited patiently.  Completely avoided the pastry case and scooted my big bum to work.  Mid morning snack was an apple.  For lunch I had a string cheese and some wheat thins.  All of these things were within my means for the day, I was trying hard cut back after my day of overindulgence.  I ate WELL OVER my allotted points for the day.  So today I was making up for it.  A couple more of those evil Dove Hearts made their way into my stomach before I could escape from the grasps of work.  Home for some more work and then a dinner date with my favorite 'family'.  I opted for soup and some cheese flatbread.  A good choice.  I ended the night with some sugar free jello a fiber bar.  I have been eating a fiber bar a day and I feel like my GI is getting back on track which makes me happier than you know.  Despite getting home late, it was time to get out for walk.  Pete and I booked it!  We walked about 4 miles in almost an hour.  It was a great night for a walk, very crisp and clear.  Came home for some FBing and PINing.  Too many things on my computer suck the free time out of me like no other.

Ahhhhhh.....Saturday.  One of my favorite days of the week.  We have some open units in our apartment complex, so I was up and ready to show the units.  I had a showing that was late, so I got all my laundry started while I waited (a great start to the day).  After the showing, some laundry rotation and then I was ready to venture out with the dog before my next appointment.  I had seen the University Farmers Market on some of my weekend drives, I decided it was time for Pete and I to check it out.  I absolutely adore the Ballard Sunday Market and the Fremont Sunday Market, so I was sure the UW equivalent would be great. I looked it up online last night to make sure I knew what hours they operated, etc...  So, it's about a mile hike UPHILL from my place to the market, knowing it was going to be downhill all the way back made the hike up worth it.  I had been wanting to try some new recipes that I discovered on Pinterest, my newest online addiction.  I went to the market in search of ingredients for these dishes.  Upon arriving at the market, huffing and puffing, we headed into the market.  People were looking at my like I had some sort of communicable disease, I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  I knew I wasn't imagining it, I was getting serious dirty looks.  I made it down the first aisle and then noticed a sign at one of the other entrances "NO DOGS".  Well, that explains the dirty looks, but I was super annoyed.  I understand that not everyone loves dogs and I can respect that.  I would never bring my dog into a business where he was not welcome and I would never assume that he was welcome in anyones home or business unless I had asked first.  Bt I checked the website last night and it didn't say anything about no dogs and the entrance I came in DID NOT have a sign.  I wish instead of people giving me dirty looks, someone would have just said something.  So, instead of getting the items I needed, I had to turn around and take the pooch back to the house.  I wasn't about to trek back up that hill, so I jumped in the car and headed back up to the market.  The market didn't have anything I needed, so I went over to the grocery store to check out my items.  I can tell you that I will be sticking to the Fremont and Ballard Markets from now on.  I'm hoping the weather tomorrow will cooperate and I can hit the burke gilman over to Fremont tomorrow.

The first dish I was working on is a 'chocolate chip cookie dough dip'.  It's to satiate my sweet tooth in the healthiest way possible.  It's made with garbanzo beans, brown sugar, vanilla and a few other ingredients.  It's a dessert hummus.  I whipped it up, wasn't crazy about the taste.  It was tasty, but it was 'off'.  I made a new batch that turned out better, but I decided there was no way I could each both batches that I had made.  So, I decided to bake the batter and see what happens.  It made cookie type bars, pretty good if I can get past the fact they are made with garbanzo beans and not flour.  I must also mention for my friends who are GF/DF/EF, these are totally for you!  One of the other recipes I will be working on tonight is a freezer breakfast meal that should last me about two months.  I picked up peppers, onions, mushrooms, potatoes, eggs and chicken sausage.  I am going to make a breakfast burrito filling.  I will be adding the filling to 36 small four tortillas, sprinkling some cheese on them and then wrapping in plastic wrap and ziplocing them up.  They are a quick and easy breakfast with veggies and protein for 5 points each!!  You take them out and nuke them in the plastic wrap (steaming effect) in the microwave and chow down!  I'm really excited for these.  A great way for me to get my breakfast in and in a healthy way.  I myself prefer corn tortillas, but I don't think they will hold up as well as the flour for this recipe.  I also have a great cookie recipe that I want to try.  I love oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and someone has promised that this will be the ultimate.  I can't wait to try them. I also have been getting great tips on Pinterest on how to store food.  My biggest issue, especially with desserts and cookies is that I bake the entire batch and then I want to EAT the entire batch.  With these cookies I am going to freeze the dough balls and then I can take 1 or 2 out at a time and keep myself in control.

Sunday was near perfect.  I slept in as late as my body would let me, which today was noon.  Yikes!  I missed the swim session I was planning on making.  The man and I headed to my aunt and uncles house for a late lunch of flank steak, sweet potatoes and veggies galore.  So delish and it was under 10 points for the whole lunch.  I stopped by my favorite peoples house to visit for a bit and then home again home again jiggity jig.  I headed out and shaved 10 minutes off my walk from Friday.  I was in the mood to book it because it was raining and I was ready to eat again, all the more reason to get home quickly.  Dinner was a cup of bbq chicken strips leftover from Friday, some wheat crackers and a babybel.  A weird dinner, but it worked for me.  I also ate a cookie dough ball, yummy.  I will be freezing the rest tomorrow so I'm not tempted to keep eating the dough.  Tomorrow is Monday again, my how the time flies.  Early morning swim with Noelle and a great day ahead!

Feeling good about what this week brings and I am on track to being active.  I am in love with walking and I am finding more routes that I want to explore.  I want to continue eating as low carb as possible and this week my goal is to eat raw vegetables every day and to do at least 45 minutes of cardio for 7 days in a row, starting today (especially since I've already done it) through next Friday.  Enjoy the photos of my creations for the weekend!

Love what you are doing today and eat something yummy for me!

Cookie Dough Dip - Baked Edition

Day 23: Baby move your butt, butt, butt

Whew!  It's been four days since I last enlightened you all with my antics.  I hope I live up to your expectations, and if I don't....well $%#& you!  I decided at the beginning of this week to do my best to abstain from carbs in the form of grains for the week.  I can tell you that I instantly failed that task this week.  I would also like to say that it was unintentional at first.  I did great all day Sunday because I was sick and I didn't really eat anything.  Monday, I was still illin' and I didn't each much of anything besides hot liquid and alka-seltzer all day at work.  After work I couldn't resist the invite to have Pho with my teens, nor did I even attempt to resist because I wanted to join them.  In my mind I was thinking, Pho is so good for you and I just resisted a pink frosted cookie, go for it!  It's broth, veggies, protein and it will be hot and spicy and open up my sinuses.  What I didn't even think about until after I had consumed the entire bowl was that I had consumed a wad of rice noodles as well. Oopsie!  But I needed the food, I hadn't eaten in two days.  Being sick really threw me off my cardio train as well.  I was in bed Saturday night and all day Sunday.  Monday I was still so sluggish that I couldn't go much further than the end of the block and I was in bed minutes after walking through the door.  Tuesday was a 12 hour work day and I felt like my head was going to blow up with anxiety and exhaustion.  But when I got home, I hooked that dog up the leash and went out at 10:30.  I didn't care, I NEEDED TO CALM MYSELF DOWN.  My brain has been running 100 mph this week with the ridiculous amount of work on my plate.  It worked, I slowed my brain, I worked my body and then I slept.

Now, I decided also that I would get up and swim this morning.  Crazy I know.  I didn't adhere to my strict 8 hours of sleep a night.  But I haven't deviated much from it since this began.  And guess what...I did it BITCHES!!!  I got out of bed at 5:30am and headed to the pool, it felt amazing.  I got to work, and before I knew it, today ended up being a 14 hour work day.  Oopsie again!  But not to worry, the last 3 hours of work tonight filled my heart with LOVE, but made my hand hurt like crazy.  I love encouraging others and that's what I did.  It made my heart happy.

I have failed everyday so far this week in my plan to not eat carbs in the form of grains.  It started with the Pho and then it was crackers and then it was rice and then today it was half a bun.  I wasn't necessarily angry with myself because that is significantly less than I normally eat, so I'm good with it.  I will continue to strive to NOT eat them, but I know myself and it is one of my weaknesses, so I will pray for strength to keep them out of my mouth.  Or I will pray for someone to slap them out of my hand.

Today is Wednesday....you know what Wednesday is?  It's Weight Watchers Wednesday.  I made it to the 12:15 meeting with my favorite Leader Linda.  I was rushing from work.  I had already had two cups of coffee, 2 eggs, a chicken sausage and about 1/2 oz of cheese for breakfast.  Now, if you are a coffee drinker, you know it's a natural laxative.  We all know I don't do well with poop, especially lately.  My body has been all jacked up.  Well....today was another one of those days.  I jumped out of my car with my WW Book in hand and headed toward my meeting.  I felt that drop in my stomach, that extremely unsettling rumbling and then the butt cheek clench!  Ahhhhh!!!!!  Panic Poo Strikes Again!!!  Now, my WW meeting has a single bathroom, but the bathroom is right next to the weigh-in counter and the entrance to the meeting room.  So everyone knows who is in the bathroom and everyone can hear what's happening the bathroom.  Panic Poo is NOT quiet!  Luckily, this same situation has presented itself before, in this same location.  I now know the TJ Maxx next door has a secluded multi-stall restroom in the waaaaay back of their store.  I veered to the right and booked it to the back of TJ's, my current savior.  Ay yi yi!  I made it, get myself up to the counter at WW and jumped on that scale.

The best part about today was that when I weighed in for the first time at WW since gaining all but .2 pounds of my weight back.  Their computer was showing that I was up about 18 pounds from the last time I weighed in.  The woman behind the counter just handed me my booklet with my weigh-in sticker and smiled at me.  "Have a great day sweetie".  NO JUDGEMENT!  YES!!!  You know why I friggin love that place, that's why.  They get it.  They know that shit happens and it causes us to stumble, to fall, to fall waaaaaaay down the hill.  But when you show up and decide to get on that scale, they have nothing but praise for you, no matter what it says.  The scale has never been my friend.  The scale is even more so my enemy though when I have to get on it in front of other people.  There is nothing I hate more than getting on the scale, receiving disappointing news or even worse, unexpected disappointing news and then immediately feeling like I needed to give a laundry list of explanations about why the number is bad.  One of the worst places to get on the scale is the doctor.  I swear that scale weighs me at my heaviest every time I get on it, even when I've lost weight.  Then they put you in the room with the crinkly papered bed and you wait for the doctor to come in and comment about your weight.  'Are you doing anything to help this?'  'Have you tried losing weight?'  'My recommendation is that you drop some weight, it will greatly reduce the risk of a 20 page list of diseases and conditions.'  Excuse me, doctor?  DUH!  I know that WOMAN (my doctor is a woman).  Don't you think I've been trying?  I mean I know it doesn't look like I have, but I have lost and gained the same 40 pounds like 3 times since I was last in here and it just so happens you are catching me on the gaining end this time.  Who are we kidding, the friggin doctor catches me on the 'gaining end' EVERY TIME!

What I love about WW is that the number isn't BAD, it's a number and it's the truth.  The truth about how your week was, the truth about where you are at physically and most likely emotionally at that moment.  Then you get off and move on.  You make plans for a better week, so that next week you can squeal with delight when you get your sticker!

The good news is I didn't get a "BAD" number today.  I got a really number.  It wasn't a huge loss, but it was a loss.  I have higher expectations for myself and I think my body is still balancing out after the cleanse.  I have to be happy about where I am a month in.  I fear for the months where I won't lose a damn pound and dread even more the months where I will gain weight.  It WILL happen, it's the reality of weight loss and how our bodies react.  I know this, I just need to prepare myself so that I know this is not a reason to throw in the towel.  I beg you, don't let me.  I know I have the strength, but I may need some pushes...

So....

Current Weight:  280.1
Weight Loss this Week:  1 pound
Total Weight Loss:  13 pounds
Pounds to Go:  105.8

Goals this week....keep cutting back on carbs and upping my intake of fiber.  Keep working my abs (one thing I have been doing daily).  Cardio, Cardio, Cardio  (baby move your butt, butt, butt).  Pounds I hope to lose...3.

Continue eating and loving food.

Day 19: Oh Canada, my home and native land

I know the entire Canadian National Anthem....by heart.  I know the anthem by heart because I grew up in hockey rinks and if you know anything about hockey, you know Canadians and their national anthem.  I'm proud to say if that was all it took for duel citizenship, I'd have it in the bag!!

Why do I bring this up?  Well, we attempted to return to the land of that anthem today on a spur of the moment shopping trip, but cut ourselves short and stopped in Mount Vernon.  You see I decided today that it was finally time to get myself to the Lululemon outlet store.  Now, I'm not one to be obsessed over name brand products or designer gear.  I have no shame in shopping at Wal-Mart and I actually love shopping there no matter what people say about that place.  I was raised white trash and I will die white trash.  Which is also maybe why sometimes I am obsess over having things that are 'status forming' in my eyes.  The reason I drive a BMW, the reason I have an iPhone/iPad/MacBook Pro, the reason I purchase high end kitchen gear :).  I also have those things because I work my ass off at three jobs and I deserve to treat myself when I want to.  So, back to Lululemon.  Most of my workout gear has been purchased at Wal-Mart, Target, Ross and places like that.  I won't pay more than $15 for workout pants or a sports bra.  But I have been lusting after Lulu.  She is sooooo damn expensive though, when I saw the outlet on multiple occasions when I was returning from camping trips, I committed to returning one day.  Today was that day.  After a mani/pedi with Noelle and one of my awesome teens, Noelle agreed to join me on this "short" trip. I was convinced that the outlet was somewhere around Marysville, which is about 40 minutes from Seattle, at most.  Well, I was wrong, it was about 40 miles north of Marysville, making it about a 70 minute drive, oops!  When we arrived....the outlet wasn't much of an outlet at all, it was their regular priced items that were about $6-$20 off.  NOT A DISCOUNT when you are talking about pants that cost $89 and jackets that cost $130.  Yikes!  So, I settled for capris that were two for one, why?  Because I NEEDED them!  We then walked over to Nike and I got shoes, a shirt and a jacket for the same price I got the pants at Lulu. But I was happy with all purchases.  I also conceded to return home and ask my handsome man to buy me a full price Lulu hoodie.  

Now, why all this crazy designer wear you ask?  Well, I have been against purchasing "goal clothes" for the last 10 years.  I used to do that all the time when I was in high school and I failed miserably every time and I would have to donate the clothes or they would go out of style and I would just junk them.  Made me feel worse about myself.  But this whole Lulu thing had me thinking, I'm committed right?  I don't care how long it takes, I can do this.  So, I'm buying one.  If I'm gonna drop an obscene amount of money on a hoodie, I want to look GOOD in it.  And actually, the handsome man agreed to buy it for me, but still, cha-ching!!  So, I'm not buying one in my size.  Now, let's be real....Lulu doesn't sell anything for people "my size".  So no matter what I bought, it wasn't going to fit me now.  But I didn't buy the biggest size, which they call their XL, but it's a size 12.  Seriously, when did size 12 become an XL. Holy crap people, that's crazy.  Their size L is a 10. That is the size I bought.  Now, I don't think their size 10 is true 10.  Because I can see that it will take about 30-40 pounds off and it will fit me.  Wasn't sure I would reveal this, but I know sizes.  I have been ALL sizes that one could imagine.  At my heaviest, I was a size 22.  Yikes, there it is....that is 12 sizes larger than the hoodie I bought today.  Or 6 sizes if you count that women's sizes go up by 2's.  Still, never thought when I was younger that I would be that big.  By the time I left high school I was a size 18.  The last time I was a size 10 was probably sometime in grade school or EARLY middle school.  I have never been a small person.  I have like I said before, always been active.  

So...tonight I will be hanging that hoodie in my cave to look at everyday until I can feel it's warmth against my skin.  The pants may fit sooner than that, but that as well will remain to be seen.

The snow has finally left us.  I spent three days breaking my back shoveling snow and salting our sidewalks so that none of our residents or passer-bys would have any issues or falls.  The job of a resident manager when the weather is shitty, sucks!  But I got my sweat on and beefed up my arm muscles for sure.  I went for another trek in the snow with Pete, this time sans the donut stop, but we did grab a latte at the end.  It was a great three days off, though I was going crazy at the end, ready to get back to work.  My revelations from my last post were great, but I was ready to get up and get out of the house.  I went to work on Friday and got some things done, slipped around on the streets a bit, but survived nonetheless.  Feel as though I made good food choices this week, stayed within my WW points and got myself some great workouts.

I found myself headed to bed last night with a runny nose and stuffy head.  I thought that was funny, seeing as though I hadn't been around germy kids all week.  So, this morning, I woke up full blown sick.  My head was cloudy and my sinuses were jammed with snot.  Gross.  I had a horrible night sleep and I walked right past my intended weigh in and spaced it out.  So...I think this will be the week that I switch my weigh ins to my Weight Watchers meetings.  I have decided to let my pride go and be accountable to more than one place.  To all of you people and to my WW people.  I need to own up to the fact that I gained it back and let them support me in taking it back off.  I also just feel like garbage and the last thing I want to do is drag the scale out and weight my big booty.  The great thing about being sick though is I have no appetite.  I can't taste anything and I'm totally plugged up.  So, I haven't had much all day and I'm not really hungry.  I had a latte this morning, a small burrito (spinach tortilla, chicken, rice, black beans and a dollop of sour cream) around 4pm and I'm on my fourth cup of tea.  I HATE tea, so it says a lot that I am drinking it, trying to beef up my immune system.  But other than that, my body is empty.

So, you will have to wait a few more days my friends for the official weigh in of the week.

A few things I have decided this weekend though...to add to my list.  I have been having issues since my cleanse with poop.  Aside from my panic poo episode and coming down off my cleanse I have been extremely irregular and I hate it.  I am a 3 times a day pooper people, and I'm lucky if it happens once a day now.  So, I need to fiber it up this week and hopefully get my body back on track.  That being said....I have decided to cut out grains this week (bread, noodles, rice, tortillas, oatmeal, etc...) and up my intake of fiber. I have also decided that I need to add in some things to my activity each day.  After all this is done, I want abs of steel.  So, I figure, it I start my abs now, once I melt the fat off, the abs will just be waiting for me on the other side.  So, I have a great 5 ab rotation that I can do daily.  Each ab at 20 reps a piece is 100 reps a day.  They can be done laying on bed before I go to sleep.  So, I am now committing to abs every day.  I am also committing to get rid of my flag bearing underarms.  So, I want to do push-ups or chair dips every day.  I figure I do one when I wake up and one before I got to bed with my cardio during the day, perfection.

So...there you have it.  My pride, my greed, my shame and my goals all in one post.  It's out there, no holds barred.  I still love food, but right now it don't taste good, so I'm choking down my tea...xoxo

Day 16: Snow Snow Snow Snow Snow!!!

Today has been crazy in all the right ways!!! Yesterday it snowed enough for the schools to only be in session for 1.5 hours. We took kids to school late and picked em up early. Parents came early to get home so we could all prepare for one of the biggest storms Seattle has seen in a while. Really? I've heard that before an nothing happened.

I went to bed early like a good little girl in hopes that it would be bright and white out when I woke up. The schools decided to close up last night so I knew I wouldn't be going to work today. I ate some of my delicious crock pot concoction that I dreamed up the day before, it was amazing and will feed me for the next week!! Chock full of veggies and protein. I didn't get out to walk the dog the last two days, too cold and too much to do. I did go for a short walk with him yesterday and shoveled the walk. I had myself a tiny bowl of ice cream last night and it was amazing!! Enough to satiate me and I felt good about the control I had over it.

When I did awake this morning the snow had come!!!!! We had about 4+ inches, which is really nothing, but to us it was huge to this city. Started the day with a cup of coffee and some of my delicious banana mini muffins. I tried to do some work, but my remote desktop was soooo slow that I couldn't handle it. So I bundled up and went out to shovel the walk. I got some before and after photos for you, but it was no joke. The freezing rain started as I was shoveling. Damn, it was cold!! I was sweating though cause it was hard work. After shoveling I decided that it was time for that walk. It was beautiful out and we had heard people cheering and screaming all day. Sounded like a football game and I wanted I check it out. I grabbed Pete and booted up. There were about 200 UW students and neighborhood families sledding down one of the closed streets. They had built a jump in the middle and were hooting and hollering when someone wiped out. It was great to watch!!

I headed on from there and totaled about 5 miles on this snowventure. I walked about 2 miles uphill. I realized that I was about 5 blocks from my favorite donut shop. I decided, hey, I've been working my butt off today outside and freezing my tookis off! So I got myself a donut and told myself I could eat it later or tomorrow when I felt like I deserved it even more. There were a lot of people out and about today. Cross country skiing, snowshoeing, adults building snow caves and plenty of other funny things. My toes somehow got wet and were freezing in my boots. I made it through more freezing rain and finally made it home to thaw out after a quick stop at the grocery store.

I realized something today. The more I sleep, the less I eat. It's true what they say, weight loss is encouraged by more sleep. When I'm rested I feel less stressed and less likely to stuff my face with shit food. These last few days haw shown me that. My body feels good again too. I have been working hard at pumping it with fruit veggies and protein. Trying to stay away from carb and sugar loaded foods. My workouts had been limited to walking this week. Not sure that deciding to hike in the month of January was the best idea. You think I'd be smart enough to realize this is WINTER!!! So hopefully the weather gods will have mercy and grant us some good weekends coming up. Loving the snow, but hoping that soon I can get back to the pool!!

After I survived the frozen wonderland today I got home to defrost. I took of my cold wet clothes and discovered my wet foot was HOT PINK!! I didn't want to jump in the shower and shock it, I knew that would be painful. So I sat in front of the heater and then my food turned purple!!! WITH SPOTS!!! Ahhhhh!!!! I freaked out for a bit and then my foot went back to pink and is now almost thawed. I felt an even more swelled sense of pride that I returned with a war wound and that I had hoofed my fat behind 5 MILES IN THE SNOW!! I'm awesome, you all should know that.

I was so enthralled with snow activities that I forgot to eat. More proof that sleep and an active lifestyle prevents boredom and emotional eating. My man is realizing that I am actually serious about this life changing journey and has been great about getting things I should eat this week. He laughed when I was the one who brought the donuts home today. He made me a small piece of salmon and a tiny portion of cheesy noodles. Because I have been so good today and I have lots of points left we are gonna snow plow up to the fancy Italian place up the street for dinner. They have great this crust gourmet pizza and I'm ready for it.

It's all about integrating things you love into life. Just in moderation and only every one and awhile. Now let's see if I can remember that myself.

Tata for now, I'm off to a shower and some pizza !!! Enjoy the days photos...

Day 14: Seattle Jump on It, Jump on It

I'm jumping all over it today!!! After yesterday's fried food fest tragedy, I went the opposite way today and am setting myself up for success this week. My teen trip to Olympia got cancelled due to weather, so I had the whole day at home again.

First thing on the list, sleep and laundry. Happy to report that I slept in (probably waaaaay later than was necessary), but it felt good nonetheless. Got through my entire laundry basket and ventured out to the grocery store on foot with Pete. We fueled up before hand with a banana and some agua. Picked up some chicken teriyaki for me and the man on the way home.

Spent the afternoon researching and planning food for the week with what I already had in the fridge. I cleaned out quite a few "crevasses" in our apartment as well, which felt great.

So....I mapped out the week. Made some great banana chocolate chip mini muffins that are 1 point each and I am on my way to make some mini chocolate chip cookies that are 1 point each as well. Muffins taste great and are made with yogurt instead of butter and oil and will suffice for my sweet carb cravings in the mornings. The cookies are made with egg whites and help curb cravings when I want a giant helping of ice cream or the temptation in eating large cookies.

Cleaning out the fridge and freezer was fun!!! I pulled out one of my favorite cooking tools....the crock pot. So I threw in a frozen chicken breast, some frozen cube steak, a can of diced tomatoes, a can of tomato sauce, a large bundle of fresh green beans, 2 cups of fresh mushrooms, 3 diced potatoes, 2 zucchini squash and a myriad of spices. Im cooking it on low for about 3 hours. It's only 5 points a serving and I can't wait to eat it for dinner for the rest of the week. Packed with veggies, flavor and nutrients.

I'm jumping all over it people. I love food and I'm taking control this week!

Day 13: Winter Wonderland

Today was a beautiful day. I love snow and today it dumped for five hours!!! Had to buy a snow shovel and everything. The weather did cause a change in plans for the day. Roads were definitely iffy this morning so we decided to cancel the swim session and pedicure appointments. Instead I strapped up the pooch, put on Tony's oversized puffy coat and headed out to enjoy the snow. It was like being at the north pole there was so much snow. We trekked to the laundry mat to get some quarters, to the bank to deposit a check and then down to the village for a latte. I went for a latte and I was hungry, so I decided to try the new chicken sausage wrap at the Buck. It was delicious!! Tons of veggies, egg whites and chicken sausage, only 7 WW points for the whole thing!!

The man and I headed to Target for some de-icer for our complex and a snow shovel. Grabbed myself a boat load of veggies for meals this week and some new fiber chocolate products, we shall see how they taste. Came home and sweated it out for about 45 minutes shoveling all of the walkways and sidewalks around our apartment complex.

Though I got out and made the most of my day, food seemed to have gotten the best of me today. I made good choices this morning, but I allowed myself to indulge this afternoon and then I just kept on going. The thing is, I knew what I was doing. I didn't go bananas, but I ate things that made me feel crappy. The man and I went out to target and "swung" by Ezells for some lunch. Do you know what Ezells is? It's the most amazing fried chicken on the planet. But more amazing than the chicken are their rolls. Seriously, amazing. So Tony went for 4 pieces of chicken. I had a leg and 2 rolls. Not my finest moment, but it tasted amazing. I was still within my points for lunch, but it wasn't the best choice for my body.

The evening brought an outing with 8 of my wonderful middle schoolers. Every time I take kids out for dinner, they chose Red Robin. Red Robin has a ton of choices, but all of my favorites are not what I should be eating. So, I compromised, I had my favorite burger on a lettuce bed instead of a bun and minus the mayo. Instead of regular fries, I had sweet potato fries. The fries weren't that good, so I only ate like 4. The burger was hard to eat, but better than eating a bun. Sad news is...that I substituted eating a bun and fries and instead ate 4 onion rings. Ahhhh!!!! Seriously fatty, can't you control yourself???? It's only been 13 days and I already caved. Funny thing is, I was still within my weight watchers points. But I haven't had that much fried stuff since December and it definitely made me sick. So if nothing else today, my body told me I needed to stop, let me know this wasn't what I needed.

This is real people, I LOVE food! I love it fried and cooked with butter. I need to keep learning how to stop myself, how to let my brain know its not necessary to have that to be happy.

A low point for the week. Time to recover and get back on my feet tomorrow. I didnt feel out of control, but I felt bad about what I was doing. I want to feel good about the choices I make. If I choose a fried option, I want to feel in control and like it was a good choice, not something I caved into.

Tomorrow: more walking, more walking, more walking. No fried food.

Day 12: Snowmageddon

People in Seattle love to pretend like the world is ending when snow is predicted and even more so when snow actually falls from the sky in this city.  I think it's great.  I love snow.  I grew up with snow and tons of it during the winter.  The city is different though, the chance of snow will shut the entire city down. Today it snowed, it's supposed to snow for the rest of the weekend.  I say, bring it on.

My tune this morning however was different.  No walk happened yesterday, I spent an hour with the plumber in the morning waiting for him to remove a knarly hairball so I could shower, the rest of the day at work and went to root on some of my awesome high school teens at their varsity basketball games last night.  I remembered one thing, I hated high school.  I am so happy to be past that point in life, I can look back and realize that I learned a lot from that experience and it made me a stronger person, but I would never go back.  But, I also realized how much I LOVE high schoolers, I love getting to be a part of their lives, it makes my heart soooo happy.  I had a great sense of pride last night in that gym seeing all the kids who are growing up and I've gotten to be a part of their lives.  After the game, my trusty workout partner Noelle and I decided we would change up the weekend schedule based on the weather predictions.  We decided to hike on Saturday and swim laps on Sunday because Monday the pool is closed for MLK day.  Upon awakening this morning is when my tune changed.  I could see that the weather in the mountains wasn't so great so we decided on a walk our favorite paved path around our local lake.  I decided to step my game up and walk to said lake.  So, I headed out on my urban hiking adventure to meet Noelle at the lake.  It was sprinkling rain this morning when I left.  I had my rain coat on, Pete had his coat on and we hit the streets.  After leaving my front door, the path is directly vertical.  So I huffed and puffed to the top of the hill and then descended down and on the flat road to the lake.  I think it's about 2.5 miles to the lake from my house.  When I got to the lake, I realized it wasn't just sprinkling anymore, it was raining.  I was already soaked and the wind was blowing, I was freezing.  I started the loop around the lake and Noelle was going to meet up with me along the way...and it wasn't getting warmer people.  It started raining slush.  Then as my teeth started to chatter and my legs seemed to turn into a solid icicle, my comic relief showed up.  "Alison, it's not raining, it's SNOWING."  She was right, it was full on snowing and we were about a third of the way around the lake.  No turning back though, we're hard core.  Today is one of those days where I wish we weren't so determined or hard core, if we were smart, we would have turned around then and gone back to her car.  Snow was spraying in my face as we hoofed it around the lake, probably the fastest time we've ever walked it because we wanted to desperately to be done.  At one point Noelle said, "you know, this must be what...." and then I chimed in with "armageddon feels like" and she proclaimed, "no, I was thinking Hell."  All we could do was laugh after that for fear of real emotion setting in and realizing how miserable we were, not to mention the dog.  My dog is great, I love me some Pete, but he's kind of a wuss.  He was cowering under any tree that looked dry and trying to go indoors anytime we passed a set of stairs or a business along the way.  Finally we made it, Noelle ran ahead to get the car and I kept plugging along towards the car.  We climbed into the car attempting to get warm and Noelle drove us through the blizzard to get me home :).

I immediately jumped in the shower, maybe not the best idea.  As the hot water hit me, my body turned into what looked like a 2nd degree burn, skin was glowing red and hot pink and I was itching like I had poison ivy.  I'm now wrapped in my warmest clothing, a blanket and have been drinking hot coffee like there's no tomorrow.  Every heater in the house in on and I'm still shivering.  I am so thankful that Noelle supports me in all things in life, though today wasn't one of our finer moments together.  If I would have had to walk back home, I for sure would have been found later today curled on the side of the road in a hypothermic state.

It's Saturday, that means weigh in day.  I have been anticipating this day all week, as I said on day 10, my clothes feel different and my body feels different this week.  In my mind I'm thinking, I'm sure to have lost another big number this week.  But the back of my mind was reminding me that last weeks weight loss was due to my cleanse and that I ate food everyday this week so I returned with hoping that I hadn't gained any of that 10 pounds back from last week.  I have "attempted to change my life" enough to know that after massive weight loss, your body reacts and readjusts itself.  My body definitely adjusted itself this week and moved my fat around so that my clothes would feel better.  I feel good about what I ate this week and wasn't going to be upset about that.  There were definite moments where sugar took over and I shouldn't have put those delicious bites in my mouth, but I did.  I still feel good about it.  I got out of the house and walked or swam 6 out of 7 days this week.  Yay me!  I want a routine, I want Pete to get into a routine, I want him to bite my ankles if I don't take him out for long walks everyday.  I want people to ask me where I walked today...so ask me!

So, drumroll......

Current Weight:  281.8
Weight Lost this week:  1.4 pounds
Total Weight Lost:  12 pounds

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tad bit disappointed, but at the same time I feel relief because I lost the week after my cleanse and I didn't gain!  Have we talked about my goal weight?  I don't think so.  I more than anything want to be in what the Biggest Loser has coined, ONE-derland.  I haven't been under 200 pounds probably since middle school, possibly grade school.  I have NEVER been thin, though I have always been active.  I don't see my ideal body as being THIN either.  I see it as being healthy.  I love having muscular legs and a big booty and boobs.  I just want to say goodbye to my flag waiving under arms and my jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle jiggle belly.  I know in the process I will loose some boob fat, which sucks, because as I said before, I love my boobs.  Too much?  Maybe.  But that's honesty for ya.  So, goal weight, somewhere around 175.  I'm 5"10 and I want a healthy amount of fat to still be hanging out on my body when this is over, so I may change my mind.  But I'd love to have a countdown of how many pounds to go as well, so I'm gonna say 175 for now.

So.....

Pounds to go:  106.8

That means when this is over in a year, two years, three years, however long it takes, I will have lost almost half my body...crazy.

On the docket for tomorrow is lap swim, a much warmer safer choice then venturing out into the now frozen arctic tundra to walk the pooch.  I'm not sure at this point he will even let me take him out.  He'll be defrosting in front of the heater for the next two days.

For today, I will be consuming warm foods only....

Day 10: The hum of a rubber band engine

Today the food gods were out to get me, tempting me to fail at every turn.  They were tempting me in the sense that my morning was filled with so much frustration and emotion that would normally send me to the pastry counter. I got an amazing chance to sleep in today, but got myself up and ready to get out of the house, I had errands to get done and though it was my day off, I needed to be at work this afternoon. I awoke to a completely plugged tub drain. Somehow the drain clogged itself overnight and there was nasty water floating in the tub. I NEED a shower in the morning to get my day going. After calling the handyman to come take a look, I packed my bag and resigned to shower at work. Showering at work is not my favorite thing, especially because the only shower is in the mens restroom and the bathroom smells like pee. Boys are gross in the bathroom, I have proof. Left the house in a huff with a large glass of ice water and my apple. Got to the car and found a parking ticket adorning my windshield. If you have ever heard of a 'zone parking violation', you know my pain and my complete anger at the ridiculousness of this ticket. It will be fought, mark my words. At this point I was ready to toss the apple and head straight to the McDonalds drive through for a sausage biscuit and a hash brown. But instead, I sunk my teeth into that apple and told myself how amazing it was. The other task I had on my plate was to get my emissions test done on my beamer so that I could renew my tabs that are now two weeks expired. I headed to emissions, expecting to be in and out. I got there, got right in and then they plugged me in and my report printed out. The results.....FAIL. Seriously? My 2004 bmw failed emissions??? I was beyond livid. Another expense to add to my plate and now an even more delayed tab renewal. I was ready to hit up my favorite bakery, Besalu and get myself a ham and gruyere pastry, but instead I compromised and got myself a latte and dropped my donations off at Goodwill. Made it to work, got my shower and the day started to look up from there.

Snacked on some Food Should Taste Good Multigrain chips, a banana pancake from my kiddos at work and another ice cold glass of water. I got a TON of things accomplished at work this afternoon and had a nice surprise visit from our licensor. After my amazing shower in the mens room I noticed something, my clothes. Today, they fit different, today, they fit better. I feel thinner today, it feels good. I headed out with my usual Thursday crew to family dinner and enjoyed half an order of chicken fajitas. Any other week I would have eaten the entire order, but today, I stopped myself, why?, because I was FULL. I wasn't stuffed, I was just full, which is where I need to stop myself. After dinner I immediately wanted something sweet and surprisingly resisted the urge for a drive through sundae. I thought to myself, after I get home, if I'm still craving it, I will go back out and get one. Told myself this, knowing there was no way I would go back out just for a sundae once I got comfy at home.

For the second night in a row, the arctic blast has surrounded Seattle and there was in my mind no way I could go back out to walk my little man. Though my big man was home when I got there and I also knew there was no way I was going to Zumba it out in front of him. So, I bundled up, packed some panic poo wipes for any type of emergency I may come across, and hit the streets. Today I committed to a 50 minute walk. So I stretched part of my normal route and toured more of the UW campus. I realized a few things out on my walk today. I love walking. If walking was the only workout I did during this journey I would be happy, especially since my first love of swimming isn't free like walking is. Secondly, I love my shadow. Have you ever looked at your shadow? I find myself, especially when I'm out walking at night, getting excited to pass businesses and street lights because I get to admire my shadow. My shadow is always so slim and sleek, nothing shakes and wiggles and I just look like a better version of myself. Maybe it's because I'm dressed all in black and I'm stretched out. But dang girl, that shadow is hot and I love seeing her looking back at me. Lastly, my brother was definitely walking with me tonight. At first I didn't see him, but he made sure I knew he was there. How did I know? Well if you know anything about the Soike's you know we love two things, ok well three....food, volkswagens and dogs. I can't remember a time when we didn't have all three of those things in our lives. If you know anything about volkswagens, and I don't mean passats and jettas, I mean REAL VWs, you know the purr of their rubber band engines anywhere. In a one mile section of my walk tonight, I heard the hum of not one, not two, not three, but FOUR volkswagens. All old buses, definitely one of our favorites. I finally saw my brother with me when the third one passed, it was no coincidence. I said 'hey Kyle' out loud to him as I walked down the street and then the fourth one passed, this one with dog paw stickers all over the back window. I love moments when I see him and know he's with me. To know he's with me and encouraging me helps me know I'm headed in the right direction. On my last stretch of route before hitting the front door Pete and I passed the scene of the crime from the other night. I am happy to report that I was panic free on this walk, surprising as I had just finished a meal of Mexican food.

Hitting the streets again in the morning with my walking partner, hoping for a real shower tomorrow and nothing but great things ahead for the weekend.

A weigh in, hiking, walking, swimming? and of course, food. Why? Cause I love it.

Sunrise, sunrise, looks like morning in your eyes

What a beautiful and shockingly cold day today was!!! A gorgeous sunrise started the day as I cooked eggs and toast for my kiddos at work. I treated myself to one egg and a bagel thin. It was delish!!

I then realized I was late for a meeting, showed up half hour late, but everyone was gracious. I avoided the giant Danish tray an sipped on my ice water and survived the meeting. Back to work for some tomato soup and crusty bread. I think soup and crusty bread is my new favorite lunch of choice, under 10 WW points. I'm gonna roll with that for now, I'm enjoying it and that's what matters.

A busy afternoon, 4 group camping reservations for summer camp, checked a few more things of the list. And wait for it, wait for it....I went back to weight watchers today!!!! I left work to get to the 5:30 meeting with my favorite leader Linda. She's awesome!!! So, I got there and as I suspected my pride got the best of me and I chose not to weigh in. I'm not feeling any guilt about it though because I'll weigh in on Saturday and report out to you all. I just want to lose more weight before I jump back on their scale. It's pride, fear and a whole lot of other things, but at this point I'm ok with that.

I had some sad issues with the blog today. For some reason Facebook is blocking my blog links and callin them spam. So all of my blog links disappeared today along with all the comments people made. A tad bit depressing, still hoping they will reappear. I found great comfort in seeing people's comments and encouragement. Hoping they get it figured out, cause I love being able to link them!!

Home again, home again, Jiggity jig. When I got home the arctic tundra had arrived at our apartment. There was absolutely no way that I was taking the pooch for his walk. I could barely feel my hands walking to my front door. I also was interested in any more bouts with panic poo. So, I thought, I gotta get a heart rate and sweat up before I have dinner. I eyed the Zumba game for kinect. I thought,'people say its fun, I could use a fun workout'. So into the Xbox it went. Boy did I jiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah! I definitely sweated, long enough to make my pits stink. I can tell you, if someone had a hidden camera, you'd all be rolling. I would do it again, but it will definitely be my desperation workout.

I'm definitely obsessed with breakfast right now. I LOVE breakfast for dinner. The last two nights toast, eggs and chicken apple sausage. Totally in heaven with this meal. Loving that it fits with my foodie fitness.

Enjoy the sunrise, love me some food!!

Day 8: Food, yummy yummy, it tastes so good

There is a song I know, sung and written by an amazing young man about food. My post title is reminiscent of that song today. Today, I enjoyed food. I cooked a huge meal for my staff today for our New Years Party. Amazing beef/pork meatloaf, homemade mac n cheese, brown sugar bacon green beans, my favorite salad, fresh french bread and pumpkin cream cheese bars from scratch. It was a feast fit for a king. I was good ALL day waiting to eat this meal. I also held off consuming any caffeine until about 5pm today. I have no idea how I did that, but then I took a dive and drank 3 cans of diet coke. I realized something today as I was "waiting" to eat this food. When I am in the kitchen, doing my thing, and I have time to kill....like when I'm waiting for the next thing or prepping anything, I just throw things in my mouth. Today there were multiple instances where I wanted to just go nuts and put everything in my mouth. I gave in a few times, piece of cheese here, a few nuts there, testing the bacon. You know, you gotta test the bacon, it's an important thing in the cooking process, trust me, I'm a pro. I HAVE to watch myself in the kitchen, I love testing and trying things, but I need to stop eating soooo much when I'm in the kitchen. There is so much temptation and I need to get that under control. I'm working on some tactics, but I'm not there yet. Cooking is one of my careers, I love it. So this is something I need to get under control. I saw this preview for a new show on tv, called 'Fat Chef'. It's all about these people who are chefs and cooks and they are fat because they test and eat all of their food. Tony and I saw the commercial the other day and I was like, that's me.

Success for the day, two stints of cardio!! I planned on getting up early this morning to get my walk in with Pete, but my body was screaming at me to sleep more, so I did. I skipped out on Pete this morning, vowing to him before I left that I would get him out for at least 30 minutes this evening. During my 5 hour cook fest for this event, I had about an hour to kill while meatloaf was cooking and the start of the mac n cheese. Luckily, the amazing home in which I was cooking had a gym, so I jumped on their elliptical trainer and kicked out a 30 minute high intensity workout while the feast cooked. It was great!!! I felt a lot better about partaking in the meal with some cardio under my belt. I had a good piece of meatloaf, a pile of green beans and about 5 bites of mac n cheese. I was stuffed, not uncomfortable, but full. It felt good to be full and to not have finished the food on my plate. I was wasting food, but don't worry, I composted!! I finished of the night doing dishes and having about 5 bites of pumpkin bars.

I packed up and headed home. Arriving home at 9:30, I was struggling to honor my commitment to the pooch, but he gave me those big puppy dog eyes when I got home and I couldn't resist. I changed into my walking shoes, grabbed and jacket and headed out on my 40 minute course. Only difference was, it was butt freakin cold, so I was booking it! Got my heart rate up even higher and I wanted out of the cold. The only unfortunate, yet humorous and mortifying thing that could happen when are out walking....panic poo. Have you ever had panic poo?? You start to get stomach cramps, you start to sweat, you panic....it's not fun. I am sad to say this is not my first experience with panic poo. Especially lately, I've had quite a few times. So, I'm out walking the dog after 10pm at night in an area where there aren't public restrooms, I'm about 15 minutes away from home and there is no way I'm gonna make it. So the dilemma, poop my pants or fertilize some foliage. I chose the later. Luckily the last part of my course is along the Burke Gilman Trail in a dark area. So, yup, that's right, I panic poo'd on the Burke Gilman trail in the dark with my dog.

I guess that's my body laying down some karma for me. I cleansed it and then dumped a load of heavy food on it today, so it made me pay. I must say it was worth it, the food was good and I enjoyed, but in moderation. I stayed within my WW points for the day and I got in over an hour of cardio.

Food, yummy yummy....I love it!

Day 7: Just call her Michael Phelps

That's right, my tried and true encourager, Noelle, as we swam laps this morning was as smooth and as elegant and as athletic as Michael Phelps. Well, at least we like to think so. I was more like Free Willy in the pool this morning, but at least I was there and swam for 30 minutes! Had some seriously sore calf and ass muscles from the grueling hike the day before, but boy did the pool feel great. I LOVE swimming. It's the only workout where you are out of breath, your body is at a normal temperature and you aren't sweating. I seriously would marry swimming if that was possible, too bad they charge an arm and a leg around here to swim or I'd do it more.

I fit into a pair of jeans again today. This was a huge feat for me. I have been wearing leggings, black yoga pants, skirts and dresses for the last 4 months, why?, because I refuse to purchase more fat clothes. I have discarded my fat clothes so many times when I have 'made a change', and as we know, it's come back....again....again....and again. So, I finally decided to stop buying fat clothes, to just squeeze into clothes that hide my fat the best and can stretch to accommodate me. Jeans, not so much, they are the most constricting clothing known to man. Now the pair I wore today were stretchy skinny jeans, but honey, they zipped and I wore em.

I'm still working on solid poo (sorry if my honesty about the bathroom is too much for you), getting closer day by day. Stomach cramps were less today when food entered my body. I am trying my best to stick from 1000-1500 calories a day or about 20-30 weight watchers points. Today, my first real day back on "food" proved successful. Coffee and cream of wheat for breakfast, tomato soup and crusty bread for lunch, an apple, a chocolate chip cookie, 2 eggs, chicken sausage, 2 slices whole grain crusty bread and 6 large bites of a low fat vanilla ice cream cone to finish the day off. I love that I can still have things I crave and know that I'm staying within my plan. I took a trip to costco today as well, these trips can prove to be the most dangerous of all kind. I mean they have the most amazing variety of frozen meals and goodies that you could ever want. But, what did I get, some more organic tomato soup, some tortilla chicken soup, more whole grain crusty bread, toilet paper, paper towels, a puma jacket...you know, the necessities. What I was most proud of was that I did not give into temptation and purchase any of that processed caca. I did however purchase lots of amazing food for the meal I am preparing for my staff tomorrow for our New Years Extravaganza. But, my goals is to save my calories for dinner tomorrow, so I can savor the flavor of small amounts of the amazing food I will be cooking.

Wednesday, it's back to Weight Watchers, most likely the evening meeting as my days this week are full of work meetings. There is anticipation and anxiety when I think about going to this meeting. Reasons....1) I'm excited to see my leader, she's full of energy and I love listening to her relate our lives to each other. 2) I love the support and accountability of being there. 3) They weigh you, like every week. 4) They weigh you, like every week. At this point I can tell you my pride is going to be a huge factor. And maybe pride isn't the right word, it's more like fear, embarrassment. I'm fat again people. The last time I weighed in there, I was like 264, which is 30 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey 7 short days ago. So...do I want to weigh in and show the people of weight watchers that I have gained my weight back...no I don't. I want to wait until I'm 264 again, so they think that I'm awesome and I've just maintained that weight loss and have decided to return to keep losing. I've already admitted to myself that I'm REALLY FAT again, but am I not willing to admit that to the big WW. I don't want Jennifer Hudson to be disappointed in me, I love her commercials. These people will be the people who lift me up and love me regardless, but I can't do it. I probably won't either. It's pride, fear and embarrassment all wrapped into one little box, or large box.

JH would be proud though, I've been a tracking fool the last two days and I have even pre-tracked my exercise so that I can't skip out. Tomorrow morning brings a walk with my little man and then off to meetings, meetings and cooking. Why....because I love food.

Day 6: Aint no mountain high enough....

Oh wait, yes there is..... Today, we hiked. I decided that Pete and I were gonna start working on embracing exercise in nature on the weekends. So I downloaded a fancy app for hikes called EveryTrail. I punched in my zip code and it gave me dozens of hikes in the area. I perused them, some I had done before, but I was looking for something a little more difficult. After all I'm on a journey to fitness, so I needed to step my game up. I decided that hikes around 1 mile were too easy for me. So I picked Mt. Si, listed as dog friendly, moderately difficult and about 3 miles up. I thought to myself, totally do-able. So I headed up this morning to hike the crap out of Mt. Si with Pete and of course my trusty encourager and weekend companion, Noelle. After discovering we needed to purchase a pass to exercise on a mountain, going on a mini goose chase for said pass, we start this hike. I few things I noted to myself and out loud regarding this hike...

When the trail app says 3 miles, they really mean 4.

When the trail app says moderate difficult, they mean crazy ass difficult!!

When you think a trail is going to be mostly dirt, you could be wrong, it could be mostly rocks.

In the parking lot if you see most of the people wear leg mud flaps, wearing serious hiking shoes and using ski poles to help them climb.....there's a reason for it. And yes, your yoga pants and tennis shoes are inadequate.

It was an adventure, we made it up about 1.5 miles and then turned around. Making it about 3 miles round trip in a little under two hours. We enjoyed fresh spring water, Noelle being the only brave one to drink straight from it, me dipping my water bottle in it. Promising that we would return, multiple times if necessary, to climb that *itch of a Mountain!!

Rewarded ourselves with lattes and bagels. A most joyous time.

Returned home to do some serious cleaning and organizing. Stocked my drawers with workout gear and finally set up (after 7 months of living here) my desk area. Feels so good to have space where I can do my thing!!

After finishing the cleanse yesterday, I did eat and I did have serious fire poop and crampage. I had soup, noodles, broth, small amount of meat and a roll. My stomach was upset about all of it. Today, stomach has treated me a tad bit better, but I haven't felt that hungry. Staying busy helps me to NOT think about food.

This week brings tracking my food, walking my dog, swimming at 6am with Noelle, a return to my weight watchers meeting, more walking and hopefully some weight lifting.

I am including pics of my new space and a great lookout of our hike this morning!!

Starting to get hungry....thinking about dinner and the choices I have....I love food.

Day 5: Cleanse Complete Fools!!

I am DONE with the first cleanse of the year. I don't think there is anything left in my body. It's all come out, trust me! I did cheat a few times, with small pieces of chocolate, but I had some serious rampage thanks to my monthly gift the last few days and that seemed to provide me some relief. I encountered so many of my favorite foods and snacks this week being shoved in my face. Ok, so they weren't really shoved in my face, but that was my perception for sure. I prevailed! I did not eat, I did not give into temptation. I'm feeling great about that victory and ready for more!

So many times this week I felt like I NEEDED food, I NEEDED to feel comforted by it. Which is exactly what food is for me, comforting. It's what I know, it's what I do, it's what I love. But what I realized is I wasn't hungry. My magical lemonade potion kept me satisfied, I wasn't having hunger pains or hunger groans. I didn't really need food, I just wanted it to feel better. I want to keep that in the forefront of my mind as I take this journey and know that it's not something I need to feel better, that I have other so many other outlets in life that can make me 'feel better', when things are crappy.

I am feeling some fear about food this weekend. What is it going to do to my stomach? I'm fearing some retaliation from my stomach and my body. The goal is to stick to more raw foods, avoid heavy foods for the next few days to ease back into eating. I will begin tracking my food again today with my Weight Watchers app and I'll head back to my first meeting next week. I have some great support in WW, one is a great friend, Marshiela who has lost over 100 pounds and kept it off with WW. I am so in awe of her and she is a great mentor for me in that process to keep tracking, which seems to be the hardest thing for me. When I deviate from the 'plan', I love to lie to myself and pretend that it didn't happen. This does such a disservice to me and I want to be real and true this time around, with myself and with the world.

So, I awoke this morning, hoping for a final bowel movement, but it didn't come, boo hiss. So, I decided to weigh in, shower, blog and hit the streets with one of my biggest fans, Noelle. So I'm off for the day and this weekend looks promising. Headed out for some girl time, out for a friends birthday tonight and Sunday brings a hike with the pup and some post holiday cleaning and organizing, which excites me to no end (for real, it does).

So....what you've been waiting for, the results of the cleanse.....

Weight: 283.2

Pounds Lost: 10.6

HOLY CHEESE BALLS!! I lost 10 pounds in 5 days. Now, to sustain that and move forward. I know I can do it.

I love food people....and now I'm about to go eat some.

Day 3: Walk it out

Day 3 of the Masters Cleanse, I don't think I've ever pee'd this much in my whole life. A strictly liquid diet, means liquid in, liquid out and I mean all of it is liquid. I could describe more for you, but I think it'll be too much information to share. There is so much to be said for day 3. Yesterday I was ready to quit, I was seriously hungry and couldn't bear drinking much more of this lemonade. But Day 3 is the breaking point, I woke up this morning feeling great, not feeling hungry, possibly because I slept about 10 hours last night!! So great for my body, so great for my soul.

Though it's time to admit that I cheated, I came into this wanting honesty and seeking realness inside myself. I caved yesterday, in the midst of me being ready to quit, I ate a piece of chocolate. It tasted SOOOOOOOOO good! Just one little square of Dove (you know I went for quality if I was gonna cheat). But I'm not really disappointed in myself. I haven't eaten a thing in almost 72 hours, so I feel good about it. I contemplated for a long time before I ate it, so I know it wasn't just an impulse thing that I shoved it in my mouth. I savored the flavor and went back to my lemonade. And again today, I ate another, but back to my lemonade.

I'm feeling really good about this process, I realize it's only been 3 days, and there are 362 left in this year, so my tune will change, probably quite a bit. But today I feel good and I'm going to embrace that.

I bought myself a little pocket workout calendar to keep track of my workouts, to stay true and committed to myself. I have walked the last three days with Pete for 45+ minutes. Last night, got home from work at 8:30 and I was not about to go walking. I told myself, 'hey, I'll just walk extra long tomorrow'. But I've told myself that a million times and I have NOT followed through about a million and one times. So, I went. That's right, I got my ass up, changed into my raincoat, hitched up Pete and we went out and walked until almost 10pm. It felt great! Unfortunately, when I came home, my amazing fiancé had decided to bring home fried chicken and krispy kremes. Seriously, what an ass****?! I was pissed and hungry at that point. He definitely felt bad as I told him what an unsupportive jerk he was, and his remorse was in full force. He removed all food from the living room and allowed me to get some food free downtime in before bed. I awoke this morning to Pete whimpering at the bed ready for his walk. He's getting used to this, which is good, I want him to expect a walk from me everyday. Walking is gonna be my thing this year, I'm gonna walk it out as long as I have to to get this weight off.

The Masters Cleanse is not going to take me to 7 days. I have committed to the cleanse now until my cleanse supply runs out. So, if my lemons run out or that maple syrup runs out, I'm out. I want to say I'm strong enough to go 7 days, but a this point in my journey, I'm not. This cleanse will happen for me one once a month for a year, so later in this journey I'm hoping I can take it on 7-10 days, but this time, 5 will probably be the max.

This is gonna be hard, I'm being honest. I love food...

Day 1: I am hungry

Today is day one of my first cleanse on the Journey towards fitness. The Master Cleanse actually tastes good!!!!! I highly recommend it if you are looking for a detox/cleanse. I've done my share of cleanses and detox, I usually can't hack it because it tastes gross. But this is lemonade girl, it tastes delish with a little bit of heat at the end. If you are interested, check out themasterscleanse.org for the deets. But I need to tell you, I'm hungry and the caffeine headache has set in. Knowing that I can't really remedy that is not comforting. I'm the kind of girl that drinks a latte or copious amounts of creamed coffee each morning and rounds out the day with at least 6-8 cans of diet coke (usually in Super Big Gulp form). Now I can also tell you that it's not likely that I will ever stop drinking coffee of my beloved diet coke, but it may lead me to cut back. I do rely heavily on caffeine to get through the day and now realizing that I'm gonna need to rely on something else, higher heart rate and rest. I need to get my heart rate up on a daily basis and I need to get rest. I'm the kinda girl that loves to stay up late and my man is not a supporter of me going to bed early. He works a night shift 4 nights a week and we stay up together the other nights of the week, usually leaving me to survive on 4-6 hours of sleep. Which I am good with, but the more research I do, the more I find that real rest aids in healthy weight loss. So, another goal to add to my list, sleep 8 hours a night.

The day started with a bang, me and Pete hit the streets at 7:30 to walk and start our day. He was pumped, I was sweaty. I have deprived this little man of daily LONG walks waaaay too long!!! But that changes now.

So, I'm hungry, but not defeated. Thank the Lord because it's only day one. The lemonade tastes great and I'm telling myself I can drink it for 6 more days. Though today may have been the crappiest day to start a "cleanse". Why? You ask....because dinner is provided at my place of employment on Tuesday nights. And tonight, what was for dinner???? BBQ Pulled Pork Sliders and homemade Mac n cheese. Seriously??? Could that have been more of a perfect meal for me? Ahhhh!!! But I was strong, did a lot of smelling and lusting, but I kept drinking my lemonade and I made it out alive.

So, enough about my day, on to the important stuff. My weight. Gross photos. Drumroll please........

Weight: 293.8

Yikes!!! Not gonna lie, I was a bit relieved to see the 2 at the beginning of my weight instead of a 3. I had this overarching fear that I'd hit 300. Though this number isnt something I'm pumped to tell everyone, now it's there.

And the before photos.....be afraid, be very afraid. But be excited too!!!

Walk like an Egyptian and walk with me through this. The good the bad and the ugly.

I love food....

The start of something new.....again

It's the time of year for New Years Resolutions. I have made quite a few resolutions in my life, most of them regarding my weight and my relationship with food. But at my current physical state, it's clear that none of those worked out, or if they did, they didn't last long. So, that is why my blog has transformed and taken a new shape. Because I desire to transform my life and for my body to take a new shape. I have started diet/nutrition/workout plans about a hundred plus times in my life and they last for a month or so and then I give up, or more importantly, I give in. I give in to my lust for food, I give in to my desire to eat all things I love, none of which are 'good for me'. And let me tell you, I'm not one to eat in moderation, especially when I'm eating alone. I hardly ever leave food on my plate, because you know, there are starving children in Africa and I can't disappoint them by leaving food on my plate to be thrown away. How distorted my view is....

My desire is to regain control of my eating life. This journal will be a place for me to be true to myself, to be honest with the world about my successes and my failures in the journey. I know from experience that this will be difficult and I don't want to give up. I want to show myself and all other forms of myself, past/present/future, that I can do this.

You see, I'm one of the healthiest fat people you will ever meet. I lead a very active life, I workout a few times a week, I have an active job, I am not one to sleep the day away or sit around and do nothing. I am constantly on the move. My last few years worth of doctors visits have left my doctor dumbfounded. She has watched my weight continue to fluctuate, most times headed in the upward direction, yet my blood pressure/cholesterol and overall health read as someone who is the epitome of physically fit. I am the exception. I don't seek to lose weight because I am unhappy with myself or because I have low self esteem. I have an amazing life, I have a family that loves me, ridiculously wonderful friends, I have three jobs that I wake up to each and every day that I can't wait to get to. I have everything in life that I want. I have a man that loves me, that doesn't judge me based on my weight. He loved me at my fattest and he doesn't notice when I gain weight. He doesn't notice when I lose weight either, but that's not something that bothers me. I made a decision about 12 years ago that I wasn't going to let others determine how I feel about me. I was going to love myself and seek a life that made me happy, no matter what that meant. I have found that life, it's not perfect, but I love it.

I am seeking to lose weight, because I want to live this amazing life as long as humanly possible. I am willing and ready at any moment to take my place in Heaven with my Jesus and my Bret Kyle, but I know that's not the plan that the Lord has for me. I desire to treat my body with the same amount of love and respect as I treat all other areas of my life.

I have a program that I know works and I'm going to stick with it (Weight Watchers), along with some other natural cleansing methods of getting nasty stuff out of my body. I am going to focus on getting out of the house to exercise (not my favorite activity) and getting my little four legged man out with me. He's been packing on the pounds as well because I haven't made time to get him out of the house. So, I purchased him a new coat (because he hates the rain and it's the rainy season here in Seattle) and a new harness with reflective dog paws. Pete has all his fancy new gear ready to go and I have about 50 different options for workout gear that I have built up over the years in my "active" drawer in my closet. We are ready, I am ready.

I am committing myself to the following goals:

1) Weigh-in and post my progress once a week (photos at least once a month)

2) Attend my Weight Watchers meetings once a week for moral support

3) Be honest with myself and with 'you' about where I'm at

4) Exercise (walk, swim, lift weights) at least 5 times a week and document my activity

5) Complete a Masters Cleanse once a month (7 days at a time)

So, tomorrow, January 3rd begins my journey. Tomorrow morning I will weigh in and tell the world what I weigh. Tomorrow morning, I will take a picture of myself in some ungodly unflattering outfit so at the end of all of this, I can see my progress of body transformation.

Here we go folks....