This year, I want to savor the moments. I don't do enough of that.
I've spent the last year being frustrated, with myself, with my relationship, with my friendships, with changes I couldn't control and with people in general. I made a lot of headway in 2013, but I'm glad to see the frustrations of that year behind me. I loved to the fullest, I grieved to the fullest, I lost great people, some to death, some just disappeared from my life and I don't know why. I found health and healthy habits, I lost them too. I lost pounds and then found them again.
This year I will…
Find health in a form that is sustainable for my foodie lifestyle. I love to eat, good food. I love to create, good food. My body won't run on lettuce, nut and berries. My body craves rustic breads, churned sea salt butter, kalbi marinated flank stead, parmesan whipped potatoes, hollandaise laden asparagus and so much more. My body also craves movement, water, a healthy heart and clothes that don't cut off my circulation. It's time to solidify the sustainable.
Take chances and risks to follow my dreams. I have always been responsible. I was the teenager that always made the right choice. Never got in trouble, chose the road less traveled. I finished college in four years, I got a job, I support myself. I work too much. I only do things if they are practical. I like being safe and knowing where my next meal is coming from (in more ways than one). There's nothing wrong with that. I like being that person. I want to keep being responsible. I also want adventure. I want to do things I've never done. I want to follow my heart with reckless abandonment.
Share love at every turn. I want my life to radiate love. When I die, I want to be remembered as someone who loved well. That doesn't always mean red, pink and purple hearts plastered on everything I do. To me it means giving the right kind of love at the right time. Love in emotion, love in deed, love in words, love in action.
Spend more time bringing my families together. Family is every evolving. That is a difficult thing to accept, a difficult thing to swallow at times. You are born into a family, for me it was a mother and a father, two brothers and a sister. You make memories, you experience joy, pain, laughter, tears. You don't imagine anything happening to that family, forever together you will be. Then a sister moves away, a brother dies young, a mother becomes absent, grandparents die, a mother becomes present, jobs are lost, new jobs are found, close friends die, a brother gets married, holidays become separated. It can all be too much. Not all of us understand it. Things won't ever be as they were, but that doesn't mean they can't be the best they've ever been. How do we embrace the "new" family that we are, with extended arms? How do we create new traditions that everyone is a part of?
Continue to foster real and authentic relationships. I won't accept anything else. Be real, be authentic. We all deserve that.
Enjoy every moment I get to spend with my teens. My work with teens is the most fulfilling part of my life and has been for the past ten years. I had no idea what my life was going to hold after I lost my brother over ten year ago. I found comfort and healing working with kids, who eventually turned into teens and are now adults. My moments and memories with them are what carries me through the day to day bull shit that riddles life right now. I am so blessed to have them in my life. I am so blessed that they chose to do life with me. I want to cherish every moment I spend with them in case it doesn't last forever.
Spend more time at the beach. Preferable the Oregon Coast, but any beach will do most days. I know who I am when I'm at the beach. I find my center. All my frustrations are washed away with the waves. Answers are found as I comb the beach for treasures. I want more of that.
Not allow anyone to put me in a box, to limit my dreams. I know a few men…Bret, Carl, Kyle, Mark, Sahara and Tony. I know some women too…Shara, Jessica, Joan, Diane, Kim and Noelle. These powerful men and women have always encouraged me in one for or another to push beyond my limits, to do anything I want to do, to now allow the status quo to direct my path. They have encouraged me to shred any box that someone puts in front of me, to push past the ceiling that can't hold me and to not just reach up, but to soar. They have taught me lessons, they have shared passions and recipes :), they have loved me.
Work less at feeding my frustrations. They don't own me, they don't dictate me, they don't have power over me. I need to remember that and take back what is mine, my happiness.
Work more at filling my heart with what it desires. Focusing on what I love. Family, friends, teens, food, fun, camping, sand, ocean, rain, dog, traveling. Focusing on even that small list of things I love will suffice in overflowing my heart with goodness. In that goodness I find joy, laughter, pain, tears, grief, adventure, weariness, desire, passion, excitement and fulfillment.
I believe in the savory. I believe in the sweet. I believe it a healthy speed to life. I believe in slowing down. I want to enjoy all of it in this year. I will embrace it as it comes, I will jump at opportunity, I will sit back and savor the moments. This year may define the word CHANGE in my life, in a more positive way than I have ever known.
