27 things I remember about you...

1.  I remember the day you were born, in our matching gowns we held you.

2.  I remember the ditch in the backyard where you played ninja turtles with Chris.

3.  I remember your stick straight blonde hair, that didn't last long.

4.  I remember watching you play hockey for 11 years.

5.  I remember getting dressed up in our red and gold best to watch Chris play football, then you doing the same.

6.  I remember taping homemade episodes of jerry springer while mom and dad were at hockey games.

7.  I remember when you got Nick for christmas, how special your relationship was.

8.  I remember when your hair got curly, such a proud moment for me.

9.  I remember when we all rode bikes together as kids, wearing our interchangeable homemade helmet 'skins'.

10.  I remember the countless number of VW shows we went to, fueling our fire and love for our cars.

11.  I remember watching you play baseball and eating frito banditos.

12.  I remember every camping trip we ever went on, those were the best.

13.  I remember hours spent jumping on the trampoline.

14.  I remember when the acres behind the big blue church were just dirt, no school, no development, just a wide expanse of dirt jumps for our bikes.

15.  I remember going to Betty's, swimming lessons, bologna sandwiches and always fun.

16.  I remember shopping at St. Vincent de Paul for your church camp theme outfits.

17.  I remember how much you loved spending time with your cousin Justin.

18.  I remember swinging on grandpas tree swing and cardboard slides down the tall grass.

19.  I remember..."BK, you TURKEY!"

20.  I remember touring around Seattle, pictures at the troll, gasworks and cap hill.

21.  I remember the day you left us like it was yesterday.

22.  I remember how you showed me how to channel my pain into loving teens.

23.  I remember how I've felt you laughing every time I've pooped my pants in the last 10 years.

24.  I remember how much my heart has ached daily when I think about how much I miss you.

25.  I remember all the times you have shown your face over the last 10 years, always when I least expect it and in the most flagrant of ways.

26.  I remember how much you make me laugh and how you remind me to not worry about what other people think.

27.  I remember how beautiful your 16 years of life were.

Happy 27th Birthday Bret Kyle.  You bring me life and love.

Crashing waves

Dreams are up in the air.  They are hanging in the moment, some waiting for a few dollars to come true, others waiting for strong will and commitment to carry on.  I have dreams, dreams of owning my own business (slightly bigger than my current one), dreams of creating the body that will carry me long in life, dreams of being the best wife, mother, daughter, mentor, friend.   Hoping and working in faith towards these goals.  Some progress rapidly towards success, others crash in and out like the waves, their importance as fleeting as sunshine on the northwest coast.

My weight is a ship that is out to sea, I watch it travel closer to shore, further out, but it is always within sight.  It's waiting for me to signal it in, to jump aboard and sail it to it's final destination.  Right now, this girl is feeling like anything BUT a sailor.  Right now I'm hanging out on my floaty near shore.  When I pop the floaty, it might be time to signal the flare gun for the ship to come in.  But right now, I'm enjoying my floaty.  It's green, in the shape of a sea turtle and very comfortable.

Dreams are what I'm focusing on.  The big dream, one that could change the course of my life.  I've been committed to something for ten years, a DECADE of changing lives.  What would happen if I moved on, if I followed a dream?  It's scary, scary as shit to be exact.  I'm a bold woman, I take risks, but more often than not, I can predict to some extent an outcome, so it's easier to jump in.  This risk is all me, I'm asking other people to take a chance on me, to believe in the dream and vision that I have rolling around in my mind and my heart.  I believe it, but will they?  I have the support and love of my family, my friends.  It's good to feel others connect with your dream.  So much is hanging in the balance.

I'm so thankful for what I have, for what I have experienced, for the life I have been gifted with.  I know that I could continue to feel blessed, loved and successful if I stay where I am.  I know the potential is endless for what I could accomplish...but is it where I'm supposed to be?