Day 58: We're the worlds most fearsome fighting team - TurtlePower!!!

I love the ninja turtles.  I love the ninja turtle cartoons and I was IN LOVE when the real life movie series came out.  My brothers and I were addicted to those movies and I love seeing younger generations connect with those movies and see how amazingly awesome turtles with ninja skills are.  I'm in the process of gathering my own 'fearsome fighting team', though we aren't using our ninja skills to fight anyone, but they are going to be my fearsome fighting cardio accountability.  Something I've realized in these past few weeks as this months workout calendar has a lot more X days than last months calendar is that I will use any excuse to not get to my cardio.  But if I have someone who is holding me accountable, who is meeting me at my cardio destination, I WILL SHOW UP!  Why?  Maybe not always because I want to be there, but I don't want to let other people down and I don't want to disappoint.  So, my new cardio schedule is as follows, if you are interested in adding yourself into one of the blank spaces I will gladly accept you as part of the FFT (fearsome fighting team) as we so desperately fight for my health and my weight loss journey...

Monday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6-6:30AM with _____________
Tuesday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6:45-7:30AM with _____________
Wednesday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6-6:30AM with KATE!
Wednesday:  Walk anytime between 11am-2pm with ____________
Thursday:  Walk from 10-11AM with KATE!
Friday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6:45-7:30AM with _____________
Sunday:  Walk anytime between 11am-2pm with ______________

I'm really excited to see who is going to fill in my blanks!  I really feel like accountability is something I NEED, so if you become part of my FFT, you have to be ready to bring it and ride my ass if I slack off.

There's no doubt that it's been a rough couple of weeks for me and not just with food, but with my emotions, with my health and with my stress level.  I did a semi-cleanse to get myself back on track and have been dealing with a lot of emotional issues with people that have been dragging me away from taking care of me.  I know for sure that in the first two weeks after my last weigh in, I GAINED weight and I wasn't willing to step on the scale and admit it to myself.  I hid behind my stress and my emotions instead and I ate some of them.  I did the semi-cleanse and I got my ass back to Weight Watchers this week and I have been trying my hardest to get myself headed in the right direction with some poking and proding from others.  I made a priorities list in the three areas of my life that cause me the most stress, my jobs!  I made a list of things that needed to get done and things on those lists that I could ask for help from others on.  I need to refine the list a bit and then comes the hard part...asking for help.  Not one of my strong suits.  You see, I can do everything.  I AM WONDERWOMAN.  I have the costume to prove it.  My brain and my heart constantly are telling me that I can do everything and that I need to do as much as possible to get people to trust me and to like me and so that I can feel successful.  My body doesn't always agree.  I also know that those things aren't true.  I do love to be in control of things, because my way is the better way and I can always get things done faster myself rather than showing someone else how to do it.  But....then where does that leave me....FAT....TIRED....CRYING....EXHAUSTED.....SICK....STRESSED and about a million other things.  I have also realized as life progresses that I'm not helping others grow or be successful if I'm not teaching or showing them how to do more.  The worst part about me is thought that people CONSTANTLY OFFER TO HELP ME and I turn them down.  I'm a sick and twisted individual.

I have been suprised lately though at where my support in this journey is coming from.  My expectations were that my close friends, people I saw everyday or spoke to on a regular basis would be the people that follow my blog and seek to support me.  That has been true in some instancesa (and I love those people for that), or there has been some initial interest and then they have fallen off or have their own things going on.  A good amount of my feedback and written support though has been from people who are not in close proximity to me, people from my past or who live far off.  If you are one of those people, THANKS!  I really appreciate your words and the encourgement I get to keep going with this whole journey.  I hope that the further I get into this the more serious I will take myself and the more serious the people who directly surround me will be to me.  I realize that in the past I have claimed a lot of things, claimed to be making a change and then fallen off the wagon a month or two in.  So maybe I have something to prove to these people, but more importantly to myself.

I wish I had some funny stories for you, but there has been no pooping in the woods lately.  I have had more 'accidents' than I can count, lots of them involving girl scout cookies and cadbury eggs.  Easter candy is my #1 WEAKNESS in the candy world.  Lots of people think cadbury eggs are gross, you know the ones that have the gooey candy in the middle that looks like an egg yolk.  I FRICKIN LOVE THOSE THINGS!  I found a co-worker that also has and affinity for them and together we could eat our way through the cadbury egg factory.  I have no doubt.

I am happy to announce that after a shitty couple weeks and then some recovery time, I have MAINTAINED my weight.  Which I couldn't be happier about.  I most definitely gained weight, but in not weighing myself I didn't have to actually see the scale go up.  So...numbers are

Day 1

Day 58

Day 30

Day 52: Rock bottom seems only one bad trip away...

Now I haven't actually fallen down, my limbs are all still working and I'm still standing and in one place.  Well, I'm actually sitting right now, but you get the idea.  As previously stated, it's been a rough week or two in terms of food and how I feel about it.  Was home Sunday, left early Monday to get back for a catering job on Monday night.  Made a delightful meal of Salmon, Carmelized Onion and Spinach Pilaf, Grilled Veggies and French Bread.  The event was great and I treated myself to a Dick's cheeseburger and milkshake afterwards, bad choice, I know.  Today I catered a gourmet taco bar luncheon and made some amazing 4 hour beans, mexican rice, shredded beef, shredded chicken, ground turkey and brownies.  Found my new favorite pulled beef recipe, which I'm sure would translate well with pork as well.  I have leftovers that my peeps at work will be enjoying tomorrow!

Tuesday morning started a new round of the Masters Cleanse.  I welcomed it this time, considered the lemony goodness a refreshing friend.  I have had my issues this week with it.  I am on day 3 of the cleanse and have done pretty well sticking with it.  I have eaten a few things and have "tested" the food I made for a catering job I had today as well.  I do have to try it though, I'm not going to serve something to someone that I'm not positive tastes amazing.  My body is riding itself of all of the crap I have eaten in the last two weeks.  I wish there was a better way for me to get back on track.  Or better yet, a better way to stay on track in the first place, but that is still a mystery to me.  It's crazy how I love being in control of other things in my life, but I allow food and eating to be the out of control part of my life.

Control hasn't been something I've had lately though.  I've been exhausted and overloaded.  A series of events with people at work have added a boat load of extra stress on my plate the last few months and it's finally taking it's toll on me.  My business is ramping up, which is great and I've been loving all of the referrals and work I've been getting, but the work has to be done after my other jobs, which means late nights for this girl.  We also have two units open right now and it's a lot of work to show them and get them ready to rent and I have that on top of the other two jobs has brought me crashing down.  I lost control of my emotions last night at about 12 am as I shredded chicken by hand for my luncheon today.  I sobbed and the man rubbed my back and told me it was ok.  I want a better life, I want things later in life and I know that in order to get there I need to work as hard as possible now.  But at times I can't handle it, let's be honest, I can't handle most of what I take on, but I just pretend that I can.  I then become stressed out beyond belief and I end up crying over shredded chicken.

I weighed in on Wednesday morning, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I'd rather wait until the end of this cleanse before I post my official weight.  Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still struggling.  I need to get fully under control before I can post that I'm headed in any direction.

I have reached out to some great sources for help and am on the road to being back.  I need rest, I need some direction and I need to keep moving.  The one thing I have kept up with is working out.  Swimming laps like a champ, poor little Pete hasn't been on a walk in the last few days, but he will soon.

There are so many things I want to do in this life and it has become clear that I don't have the ability to do all of those things they way that I am trying to do them, ALL AT ONCE.  I need assistance.  I know exactly who I need to assist me and I'm waiting on that person, also a family member :).  I have a good feeling about it and am beyond elated that we have the ability to take this journey together.  I have also been so inspired lately by the hard work that people around me are putting into their lives.  It has been so inspiring to see people quitting bad habits and working on healing from past hurts.  I am inspired to keep going and all the love and support of those around me only makes that easier.

I love the people in my life and I love how they love me.  I feel like I'm headed toward a life transition, not sure what or where, but something is going to be different.  Hopefully it's my fat, hoping it's had enough of me and wants to be melted away.  I wish someone could throw water on me and my fat would instantly melt off, like the wicked witch.  But I don't want my face to melt off too, so I'll be content being the fat witch right now, slowly working my way towards a combination of the good witch and the healthy witch.  Yellow brick road, here I come!

Day 48: I'm coming home, I'm coming home....tell the world I'm coming home

I'm home....for a 36 hour visit.  It was necessary.  I needed some time to collect myself after two pretty crappy weeks.  Crappy in terms of food and choices around food.  Now I'll admit, being home doesn't bring out the best in my food choices.  I learned ALL of my bad habits in this house and in this town.  I learned how to eat my feelings here and I learned a lot of other things here.  A lot of the things I have learned here weren't bad for my health, they were good for my life.  I learned how to work hard, I learned to push myself, I learned how to love others no matter where they come from.

I love coming home, it's worth the 7 hours in the car to be home for 36 hours.  But in that 36 hours, I ate a LOT of sugar.  I feel like my choices in terms of meals were pretty great, but snacking between meals here is the #1 issue we all have.  I was in the mood to experiment with desserts as I was creating a new dessert for an event that I am catering tomorrow night.  (Did I mention that I cater?, yeah...that's how much I love food)  So, the dessert turned out great, but I had a whole pan of "test" material that everyone has been eating all afternoon and evening.  I also felt the need to get myself a blizzard tonight after dinner, because we don't have then in Seattle and who knows how long it will be until I get another one.  God forbid.  I'm ridiculous, let's just be honest about that.  I did get up this morning and made myself walk this morning.  I hoofed it for about 45 minutes, a good steady incline and of course Pete at my side.

I don't have a whole lot to say tonight my friends.  I am pretty frustrated with myself and my complete downward spiral, especially approaching a weigh in on Wednesday, having skipped last Wednesday due to my SHAME.  It's clear that SHAME doesn't get me anywhere.  It didn't spur me on to eat better, it did spur me back onto working out, but I kept eating heavy rich foods.

So, as we approach the third month of my journey, I am going to start a cleanse earlier than I had expected.    I need ANOTHER kickstart.  Not necessary the way I wanted to go with this, but it seems like the only thing that can re-focus me a this point.  I need to focus on not eating and remind myself that the foods I have been dumping into my body in the last week, all those rich buttery delicious foods, are not what is going to keep my going.  Those foods will not keep my brain rich and focused with nutrients.  Those foods and all their fatty nature, cloud my judgement.  I will never stop wanting those foods, but I can control them and not consume so many that they make me foggy.  The cleanse helps my body feel clean and then I desire to fill it with cleaner foods.  So, I need a detox of sorts and have purchased myself a costco size bag of lemons and will cleanse my heart out for the next week and then get back onto raw foods and proteins.  I will also get back to planning my meals after that and keep on the journey downward (it terms of pounds), not the food spiral.

I'm hoping for more....from myself.

Day 44: At WW, we say "only track on the days you want to lose weight"

This early morning blog post is brought to you by the letters S-H-A-M-E.

Yup, that's right, shame.  I feel ashamed for how this last week has gone.  After my glorious weigh in last week I became completely delusional.  I told myself I had it under control, but boy was I wrong.  I haven't "tracked" once in the last week, well not honestly anyway.  If my tracking isn't honest, then what's the point really, it's not going to do me any good.  I am also sorry to say that I made really good excuses for my poor food choice and got to the point where I was just like F*** it, I'm gonna eat this.  Thus sabatoging myself.

This is another form of Alison that I hate.  She's really good and self-sabatoge and when she isn't in good communication with her support system, she allows herself to fail.  So, as a result of my S-H-A-M-E, I am NOT going to Weight Watchers today.  I will NOT be weighing in.  I know that I haven't lost weight this week, the only thing saving me from not gaining too much weight is that I have had a serious bout with the runny poo, otherwise known as diarrhea.  My poor food choices this week have brought back my serious stomach pains and issues.  I get this a few times a year and it's usually due to stress.  I am definitely stressed with the work load on my plate right now, something I have also been delusional about in the last week, pretending like I have control over it.  I don't.  I think in sync with my stress is the poor food choices from the last week and thus the diarrhea.

I am even more sad to say that I haven't worked out since last Wednesday either.  It's like I gave myself permission to have the week off.  This morning (the reason for my early post), I made myself get out of bed and go swim laps and later today in place of my Weight Watchers meeting I will be walking Greenlake with the magnificent Kate.  Something I think I need far more than my WW meeting.

So, I would first like to apologize for the shit show that was my food life this week and promise to get back on track in the next week so I have something to show for it next week.

This week despite some poor choices has been full of love.  The man showed some good love this week, especially in terms of V-Day and the return of one of my favorite teens (now a young man) from Marine boot camp had definitely put a spring in my step.  It's been great to connect with the people who surround me daily.

The love has been present the last two days with these great people, I have felt some serious grief and longing for my family.  I have been struggling greatly with my grief and it's not been easy.  For those of you who don't know (though I'm not sure how many people are actually reading this that don't know my life), I lost my youngest brother in 2003, almost 10 years ago.  He was 16 when he died and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wake up thinking about him and wishing things were different.  It's hard, really f***ing hard.  I'll leave you with the message I left him yesterday as I struggle to get back on track this week.

'BKS, I love you so much! Losing you has taught me how to love more deeply, how to love unconditionally and how to never let a day pass without telling someone that I love them. I cannot wait until we get to hug again, all I want is to hug you and run my fingers through your crazy head of hair. The way you loved others, constantly pushes me to love outside my comfort zone and to love people regardless of the things they have done. My tears are welling up now just thinking of how losing you has made me a better person. I LOVE you so much!'

 

No more eating, just start moving...

Day 41: No longer a virgin

Of college mens basketball....live and in person.

Ha!  I ventured on a trip this weekend my friends, which was a much needed break for my life and thus caused a 4 day break in blogging.  I did attend my very first college basketball game and it was glorious!  My amazing friend Noelle is from Oregon, she is a die hard Duck fan and I love that about her.  I am a die hard lover of the state of Oregon.  My allegiances lie in the coast of Oregon, specifically the area between Tillamook and Depoe Bay.  If I could get rich quick, I would move to Lincoln City, OR and live there for the rest of my days, no doubt about that.  You can ask anyone else in my family and they'd tell you the exact same thing.  Though we'd visit our cabin in Wallowa Lake a few times a year.  So, my beautiful friend Noelle has been exposing me to the other great cities that are within the state of Oregon.  First Medford and now Eugene.  She has a great family friend that works for the U of O and not only did we get to attend the Ducks vs. WSU game on Saturday afternoon, but I got to watch the Ducks beat the Cougs front and center behind the Duck bench.  It was A-MAZE-ING!!  That arena is unbelievable!!  I felt very lucky to be blessed to get that 'first time' experience.  I completed my experience with a souvenir cup and a U of O sweatshirt for my ridiculously large sweatshirt collection.

This weekend brought back for me some ugly versions of myself that I would like to forget, none of them having to do with my food choices, but everything to do with why I got the way I was in the first place.  I had an interaction with someone who is a complete stranger to me this weekend, and I allowed that person to make me feel like I was nobody.  I spent the majority of my high school career feeling like I was nobody.  I was the fat girl that no one wanted to invest their time in.  I was quiet, timid and afraid of who I had the ability to be.  So, I kept my mouth shut (of course unless their was food going in it).  I allowed others to dictate to my life, to walk all over me and to basically use me and abuse me.  It was horrible.  I had a saving grace in the handful of friends I had that went to my church and also to my school, that loved me for me, but even then, one of those people often found it easy to toss me to the wayside.  I know that some of you who read this blog went to my high school and some of you were those church friends.  Know that I was really good at faking my happiness in high school when I was really screaming on the inside, wondering why people wouldn't accept me and include me, mostly because I was fat and unpopular.  I look back now and wish that I was as thin as I was in high school, but I didn't fit the mold then and I don't fit the "mold" now.  I wanted desperately to be athletic, to be accepted, but finding that there were a lot of bitches and jerk offs that went to my high school and they loved people who were exactly like them and treated those people well and treated me like I was invisible.  I have forgiven all of those people and all of those hurt feelings and moved on and I have become a different person.  I have become someone who loves myself and doesn't give two shits anymore about what "those" people think.  Nonetheless I allowed myself to be taken back to the ugly place this weekend.  I was in a room with four people, one being me and the other three being people who loved each other dearly as family, had a deep rooted history with each other and who don't get to see each other often.  They were in their world and I was a bystander.  One of them said something to me that made me feel like I was unwanted, that I was needing to be put in my place, which wasn't with them.  The actions were not malicious and I was mostly frustrated with the fact that I allowed myself to feel that way and to be put into that position.  I was in a place where I knew I was loved and protected, yet I was hurt.  How could this be?  It was no ones fault really, the person who was speaking didn't know they had hurt me and they definitely didn't do it on purpose and yet I instantly went inside myself.  I haven't been inside myself like that in a while.  I felt like I needed to hide until I could be alone with myself and slowly emerge back into my normal self.  I know that I didn't like what I saw when I went that far back.  I don't like that Alison, she is meek and doesn't know the potential she has.  I love the Alison I am now, bold and doesn't fear situations that are uncomfortable.  I was caught off guard this weekend, not by someones remarks, but by myself.  In looking back, I realize that there may be parts of my former self that I have not yet conquered or recovered from and that during this journey I may need to process and have the potential to bite me in the big fat ass.  I was able to process this interaction with a dear friend and feel like I am moving in a direction that will help me prevent this in the future.  But it's a process.  Hurtful memories that shape us and unfortunately mold us can be forgiven, but are never forgotten.  A great conversation with a great woman brought me to the realization this weekend.

This last Wednesday was a great day for my weight loss journey and my week didn't necessarily go up from there, I feel some definite regression in terms of food choices the last 4 days.  Thursday was a 5:30am day and I didn't get home until 8:30pm.  A lot of time to make bad choices as I hadn't packed a lick of food to take with me and I was going to be eating all of my meals out for the day.  There was a big event for Boys & Girls Club and I was escorting our amazing Youth of the Year around for the day.  I got myself my favorite breakfast (eggs benedict), a latte, a turkey croissant sandwich, multiple mini desserts and then carne asada at my favorite Thursday night dinner spot with my favorite people.  Not a horrible day, but definitely not a great day.  There was also no time for a workout or a walk, unless you count walking around most of the day in 5 inch heels a workout.  I did sweat a bit, but I was feeling great about how I looked in my little bronze silk belted number.  Not as great as I'll look about 6 months from now, but definitely better than I looked a month ago.  Friday was another early day...I did get to sleep later than 6am, but I had TONS of errands to run.  I did Costco, Starbucks, lunch with kids, home for 3 hours to show our open units to about 6 different people and then back to the Club for another 5 hours to finish up the work day and close up after basketball was over.  It was looooong day.  I had a latte, bagel thin with peanut butter, subway sandwich for lunch, wheat thins for snack and then I caved and stopped at Dick's on the way home from work at 9pm for 2 cheeseburgers and a fry.  DAMN!!!!!!! Why are there burgers so good and sooooooo tempting after 9pm.  I truly believe that the reason I don't like to be out after dinner time is because I'm temped by there being a Dick's around every corner in my life and how much I love that greasy goodness.  A serious low point in this journey for me so far and I had instant remorse once I had ingested it all in a matter of minutes.  I was seriously so hungry though and instead of getting home to do a quick meal at home that would have been 20 times healthier for me, I went for the quick fix.

This weekend was a tad bit better for me.  The weekend itself was amazing and was definitely something I needed, but again, got me no where with my cardio.  I spent a lot of time sitting and a tad bit of time eating.  I definitely didn't snack at all this weekend, which was good, besides some red vines and a diet coke at the Duck game.  But I felt pretty tame in my meal choices, didn't overstuff myself.  Let's take a moment and celebrate that.....IT'S BEEN A MONTH AND A HALF SINCE I FED MYSELF SOOOO MUCH THAT I WANTED TO PUKE.  I have been so very successful in breaking that habit thus far because I know how crappy it makes me feel.

So, I feel like this week will be a good week to get back on my food planning and I actually found another "cleanse" type program that I want to try this week.  Thankfully it involves food, but it's very clean and actually is called the "2 day cleanse to looking better naked" or something like that.  Let's be honest, who doesn't want to look better naked?  Now I don't think that a 2 day cleanse is the answer to my fat naked body, more like a 200 day cleanse to naked body I can stand to look at sounds more up my alley.  I will say that I love looking in the mirror when I'm naked in my own bathroom.  It may be that the mirror in my bathroom only shows me from the clavicle up, and I would have to stand on the bathtub to get a full view, not something I choose to do, that's for sure.  But my shoulders and head I enjoy in this naked state.  So, this cleanse is supposed to be for 2 days, but my plan is to do it for 4-5 days this week.  I of course will let you know how it goes.

For now....I need to stop eating and focus on some better food...

Day 37: Boo-YA Grandma!

It's weigh in day people and the finale of my stickin to the food plan.  I can say with all honesty that the food plan the last 24 hours has gone out the window, well maybe like halfway out.  I stuck to the plan yesterday.  I was supposed to have soup for lunch and then be able to make good choices at staff dinner time.  Instead, I had pork tacos at our favorite bbq place that turned out to be low points for lunch and then I had my soup for dinner.  I ended up ordering lots of delicious pizza for the staff meeting and it took all of my power to not gorge myself on my favorite pizza.  I did allow myself a small slice of my favorite vegetarian pizza.  I cut one of the slices in half and I savored that piece for the rest of the night.  Abstaining from highly fattening food on a regular basis makes you love it that much more when you get to have it.  When I got home from work (which was particularly stressful in how the day ended), I had an eating accident.  I was feeling emotional and instead of climbing in bed or blogging about it, I ate an entire cereal bowl full of doritos.  I don't even particularly like doritos, but damn, they tasted good last night.

Feeling remorse for my accident last night, I got myself up and combated that food accident with cardio!  I got myself to the pool and swam laps and tonight I hit up Greenlake for a brisk walk with my little man and my friend Kate and her pup.  I got my swim on Monday as well and Tuesday morning I took the morning off (yay for self care!!!) and enjoyed the last bit of sunshine for the week with a 2 hour walk through the neighborhoods with Pete.  It was most joyful and tons of vitamin D and positivity was soaked up during those hours.

Today was a different story. I did get up and combat the accident with cardio and then I stuck to the plan for breakfast.  I had a piece of toast and a single egg and my coffee.  I headed straight off to my meeting to get weighed in and then I had to run a few errands and get some important people to the airport.  So, the weigh in, WAS GREAT!!  I will divulge the results in a few, but this moment was such an elation for me that I then decided, very deliberately I might add, to throw the food plan out the window.  Not really the best choice, but it happened.  I consumed trail mix at Target, I then consumed a croissant that my airport patrons purchased me and then I ate my favorite sandwich (the Rajun Cajun) from my favorite sandwich shop.  I then consumed potato chips and two pieces of chocolate before I left work.  Ehhhhh, I was definitely feeling pretty good about myself, which is why I went right ahead and treated myself in every way possible.  We shall see if this comes back to bite me in the big fat ass.  I did an extra cardio session tonight though as I aforementioned and thus in my mind cancelled out part of my days worth of accidents.

The food plan worked though, for the most part in my mind, it worked.  I may continue to "plan" my weeks meals, leaving room for free choice, which I feel is necessary so as to not feel locked down.  When I feel locked down, I just want to break free.  I don't want to be confined to a certain mold and I will do whatever necessary to make sure I don't feel that suffocation of my lack of choice.  But I want more than anything to be free of this weight so that I can do everything I was meant to do in life.  So at this moment, I need to let that win.  I didn't necessarily lose as much weight as I was hoping this week, but I have to keep reminding myself that on the WW plan, you can expect to lose .5-2 pounds a week.  But I've been stepping up the cardio, so I guess that makes my expectations higher.  My cardio isn't super high impact, but it's steady and it ramps up my heart rate.  I'm looking for longevity.  I'm looking for endurance.  Both of these things are what I desire for this journey, so it's a great parallel for my physical activity.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?  I also fear loads of saggy skin, which is a topic for another post, but I fear that if I lose weight too fast, my skin and my body can't keep up (which is what I see when I watch the Biggest Loser, saggy boobs and tummy skin, yuck!).  So I will stick with the tortoise and let the hare wear himself out.  I see the tortoise as a woman and the hare as a man...another topic, maybe.

Here's some topics I have been pondering that you can look forward to in upcoming posts this year....

*Hair and Obesity, or as I like to call it....hair hair everywhere
*Self Control
*Does muscle really weigh more than fat?
*Big boned...a fat persons excuse to stay fat
*Abstaining from bad food doesn't really make you want it less, people lie to themselves to make themselves appear healthier by feeding you all lines of crap like that.

On to the important things....the weigh in....

Current Weight:  276.9
Weight Lost this Week:  1.8
Total Weight Lost:  16.2
Pounds to go:  102.6

BOOOOOO-YAYAYAYAYA  Grandmama!  Soooooo close to being under 100 pounds to lose.  I want that.  I feel success this week!  Exciting things are happening and I'm still eating food because I love it.  That will never stop.

Day 34: Empire state of mind

Giants Win!!  Wahoo!  Now I'm not a REAL Giants fan, I'm a bandwagon fan.  I'll admit it, but I have friends who are die hard Giants fans and I really hate Tom Brady, so of course I was going for the Giants win.  Not only did they win, but I put out an amazing spread and I won $10!!  Wahoo!

I did put on a great spread and for the most part I felt like I was able to manage my intake.  I had a sampling of everything I put out, but I didn't go crazy and stuff myself until I was ready to puke.  I watched other people who attended our party do that, but I'm happy to say that I was not one of them.  I was able to contain myself until dessert time, and then I probably ate about the equivalent of 4-5 brownies.  Oopsie, I had an accident.  It's fun to call them accidents.  It's like wetting your pants (which I will admit I've done at least once a year since I was born), you try really hard not to, but sometimes it just happens and you can't help it.  I was overcome with elation at my win and all of sudden I had eaten a giant "block" of brownies.  It was an accident, for sure. I did however start my day off with a brisk walk around Greenlake before the food cooking and consumption began.  This was my second trip to Greenlake in two days!  Seattle has been AH-MAZINGLY beautiful the past few days and it would be a crime to waste that.  So, I booked it yesterday afternoon with Sara and this morning with Noelle.  Two great women that I LOVE spending time with.

You're probably wondering how my 'sticking to the food plan' is going?!  Well....aside from today, it's been great!  I feel like I totally have a handle on it.  I have literally only eaten the things I wrote in the plan and it has felt so empowering to know that I have control and more importantly self-control.  I realize that I don't NEED all those things I like to convince myself I do.  I haven't once felt hungry or like I was being deprived.  Believe me, it wasn't easy and I'm going to keep it going until Wednesday at least.  Today I wrote a 'half-ass' plan knowing that I couldn't predict exactly what I was going to make.  So the things I "planned" on eating I didn't even end up makin, so I had to really keep myself in check.

I have been sticking to my guns in terms of cardio as well.  I have been swimming and walking my butt off and I have complete cardio everyday since I started to food plan.  I'd like to think that I could stick to writing a weekly plan every week and sticking to it, keeping myself from unnecessary snacking, but I'm not sure that I can handle that lack of freedom and choice on a daily basis.  We will see how it works in terms of weight loss and I may continue, giving myself 2-3 options for choice a week.  This may be enough freedom for me and keep me in check for the rest of each week.  Continuing to show myself that I can be in control of what goes in my mouth and lessen the opportunity for 'accidents'.

With the encouragement from another friend I took my measurements this week so that I could track the loss of inches as well as pounds.  After taking a closer look at my day one and my day 30 photos I can see a difference and I want to be able to calculate how many inches of lard have melted off my body.

You may also be wondering where my 'Flush' went at the beginning of this month?  I had originally stated that I was going to flush or de-tox once a month for the first year.  After much consideration and concern from some of my nutritionist friends, decided that was a bit too much.  So, I have decided to cleanse once every three months for no more than 5-7 days.  I don't think my body can handle much more than that or I start to get foggy and can't function at the level I am used to.

I will continue to make you proud and stick my food and cardio plan for the rest of this weigh in week, which for me goes Thursday-Wednesday.  I was down over 10 pounds after month one and I think, if I could lose 10 pounds every month, that's a 120 pounds by the end of the year.  Likely?  No.  Bodies fluctuate, plateau and sometimes balk at weight loss.  I want to be in tune with what my body wants and needs and when it needs a change in scenery.  How I will change the scenery for my body, not sure.  I know that right now, it likes what it sees and eats, so I will stick with this path for now and roll with changes as they are necessary.

Lovin life, lovin myself and today lovin my food accidents :)

Day 31: Stickin to my guns

As promised I have made a meal plan for the week and I have committed to sticking to the plan and only the plan for a week and see how that pans out. Today went pretty good, except I forgot to eat until like 1:30. That was ok, my stomach shrunk so I didn't eat as much. There's been a lot to accomplish lately and I have been on edge with sleep and trying to stay sane and headed in the right direction. I have about a million things on my plate and it's getting hard to manage everything.

Here's my weekly plan...

Thursday:
Latte, apple, chicken breast, rice, banana, sweet potato, cube steak, piece of candy

Friday:
Latte, breakfast burrito, soup, carrots, bagel thin, egg, chicken sausage, cookie

Saturday:
Latte, breakfast burrito, lunch out, sweet potato, cube steak, banana, peanut butter

Sunday:
Coffee, creamer, cheese, crackers, shredded beef, slider buns

Monday:
Coffee, creamer, breakfast burrito, banana, wheat thins, turkey, cheese, apple, Pho, cookie

Tuesday:
Latte, breakfast burrito, apple, soup, bread, carrots, staff dinner

Wednesday:
Coffee, creamer, bread, egg, turkey, cheese, wheat thins, carrots, apple, baked potato, steak, cottage cheese

I left myself some room for choice on Friday, Saturday and Tuesday. I am nervous for Sunday, it's SuperBowl and and I'm cooking up my favorite grub and I need to keep myself in check in terms of portion control and avoiding the high fat, high carb foods.

Here are the photos from day one and the end of month one, hopefully you can tell the difference!!

Eat on friends!!

Day 30: Even cookie monsters can lose weight!

This post is brought to you directly from my Weight Watchers meeting. I am giddy with excitement because even after what I thought was a bad week for me choices wise, I still lost weight! Thank you Lord for the grace you afforded my body this week!!

I fit into my new Puma track jacket this morning that last week was waaaaay to tight. I have no idea how I did this, but I did. I'm hoping it's because I stuck to my guns and stepped up my game this week in terms of cardio. I swam 3 times this week. I took walks for 45-60 minutes 3 times this week and only took 1 day off. I'm gonna continue that this week and again have committed to my meal plan (which will have to be posted later today).

I also will post my first months photos tomorrow!! Whoop!

So.....

Current Weight: 278.7
Weight Lost this Week: 1.5
Total Weight Lost: 14.4
Pounds to go: 104.4

Stay tuned...here is my activity tracker!! I feel like I killed it this month!!