Day 58: We're the worlds most fearsome fighting team - TurtlePower!!!

I love the ninja turtles.  I love the ninja turtle cartoons and I was IN LOVE when the real life movie series came out.  My brothers and I were addicted to those movies and I love seeing younger generations connect with those movies and see how amazingly awesome turtles with ninja skills are.  I'm in the process of gathering my own 'fearsome fighting team', though we aren't using our ninja skills to fight anyone, but they are going to be my fearsome fighting cardio accountability.  Something I've realized in these past few weeks as this months workout calendar has a lot more X days than last months calendar is that I will use any excuse to not get to my cardio.  But if I have someone who is holding me accountable, who is meeting me at my cardio destination, I WILL SHOW UP!  Why?  Maybe not always because I want to be there, but I don't want to let other people down and I don't want to disappoint.  So, my new cardio schedule is as follows, if you are interested in adding yourself into one of the blank spaces I will gladly accept you as part of the FFT (fearsome fighting team) as we so desperately fight for my health and my weight loss journey...

Monday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6-6:30AM with _____________
Tuesday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6:45-7:30AM with _____________
Wednesday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6-6:30AM with KATE!
Wednesday:  Walk anytime between 11am-2pm with ____________
Thursday:  Walk from 10-11AM with KATE!
Friday:  Swim @ Ballard Pool from 6:45-7:30AM with _____________
Sunday:  Walk anytime between 11am-2pm with ______________

I'm really excited to see who is going to fill in my blanks!  I really feel like accountability is something I NEED, so if you become part of my FFT, you have to be ready to bring it and ride my ass if I slack off.

There's no doubt that it's been a rough couple of weeks for me and not just with food, but with my emotions, with my health and with my stress level.  I did a semi-cleanse to get myself back on track and have been dealing with a lot of emotional issues with people that have been dragging me away from taking care of me.  I know for sure that in the first two weeks after my last weigh in, I GAINED weight and I wasn't willing to step on the scale and admit it to myself.  I hid behind my stress and my emotions instead and I ate some of them.  I did the semi-cleanse and I got my ass back to Weight Watchers this week and I have been trying my hardest to get myself headed in the right direction with some poking and proding from others.  I made a priorities list in the three areas of my life that cause me the most stress, my jobs!  I made a list of things that needed to get done and things on those lists that I could ask for help from others on.  I need to refine the list a bit and then comes the hard part...asking for help.  Not one of my strong suits.  You see, I can do everything.  I AM WONDERWOMAN.  I have the costume to prove it.  My brain and my heart constantly are telling me that I can do everything and that I need to do as much as possible to get people to trust me and to like me and so that I can feel successful.  My body doesn't always agree.  I also know that those things aren't true.  I do love to be in control of things, because my way is the better way and I can always get things done faster myself rather than showing someone else how to do it.  But....then where does that leave me....FAT....TIRED....CRYING....EXHAUSTED.....SICK....STRESSED and about a million other things.  I have also realized as life progresses that I'm not helping others grow or be successful if I'm not teaching or showing them how to do more.  The worst part about me is thought that people CONSTANTLY OFFER TO HELP ME and I turn them down.  I'm a sick and twisted individual.

I have been suprised lately though at where my support in this journey is coming from.  My expectations were that my close friends, people I saw everyday or spoke to on a regular basis would be the people that follow my blog and seek to support me.  That has been true in some instancesa (and I love those people for that), or there has been some initial interest and then they have fallen off or have their own things going on.  A good amount of my feedback and written support though has been from people who are not in close proximity to me, people from my past or who live far off.  If you are one of those people, THANKS!  I really appreciate your words and the encourgement I get to keep going with this whole journey.  I hope that the further I get into this the more serious I will take myself and the more serious the people who directly surround me will be to me.  I realize that in the past I have claimed a lot of things, claimed to be making a change and then fallen off the wagon a month or two in.  So maybe I have something to prove to these people, but more importantly to myself.

I wish I had some funny stories for you, but there has been no pooping in the woods lately.  I have had more 'accidents' than I can count, lots of them involving girl scout cookies and cadbury eggs.  Easter candy is my #1 WEAKNESS in the candy world.  Lots of people think cadbury eggs are gross, you know the ones that have the gooey candy in the middle that looks like an egg yolk.  I FRICKIN LOVE THOSE THINGS!  I found a co-worker that also has and affinity for them and together we could eat our way through the cadbury egg factory.  I have no doubt.

I am happy to announce that after a shitty couple weeks and then some recovery time, I have MAINTAINED my weight.  Which I couldn't be happier about.  I most definitely gained weight, but in not weighing myself I didn't have to actually see the scale go up.  So...numbers are

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