Life is a roller coaster. There is no better way to explain it. Huge ups, huge downs and lots of in between. At times I feel like I'm still a kid and other times I feel like a crippled old lady. Life is amazing in that way in that I can feel and be both of those people in one day. I can be bounding and bouncing and full of life and then feel it almost necessary to use a walker to get around like an hour later.
Things have gone fairly well this week. I haven't gone completely out of control....though those damn girl scout cookies are not helping me at all. I had been working out, got most of my schedule in tact and my accountability partners have been coming in slowly but surely and I pumped. I walked the pooch on Saturday for a good hour plus and then Sunday my biggest fan and I hit Greenlake. I was feeling ambitious and some serious guilt after indulging in the worlds best nachos and about 6 "pieces" of a cupcake on Saturday night. Though I must say that I was REALLY good about not eating much and saving most of my points knowing I was going out to dinner on Saturday. Nonetheless, there was guilt and my guild drove me to push myself to do two laps around Greenlake, which is almost 6 miles mind you. My lovely lady obliged and we did two laps in a little under an hour and a half. Felt really good, though hours later we both felt like we had been run over by a bus. I spent the rest of the day laying in bed and heating my knees and back with my heating pads. I also spent most of today limping and hobbling. Who knew that walking two times around the lake was that much harder on your body than just one. Not this girl, that's for sure. I was thinking it would be no problem, but apparently it was crippling to my body. I even tried to counteract how sore I was today by dressing up really cute and it backfired in my face. I should have worn yoga pants, sweatshirt and slippers, the dress and the boots were too much for my posture to handle.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about motivation and what is motivating me, to workout and to eat. I am seeking to have others help motivate me to keep going physically. At this point, I'm good with that, it makes me feel a little bit like a kid because I know I can't be trusted to do it on my own. But admitting that to myself and seeking assistance in the form of accountability it a big step for me. I have also set my alarms in the morning to remind me why I and getting my ass out of bed that early. My absolute last chance alarm to get up and work out now reads...."Do you want to be this fat forever?". Harsh I know, but honestly I smile, laugh on the inside, sometimes the outside and then I get my fat ass out of bed. Because, NO, I don't want to be fat forever and that pushes me out of bed. We will have to see what other kind of phrases I can use to shock myself out of bed. I'm thinking maybe...."You bought a $140 LuLu hoodie, it still doesn't fit....get up!"....or maybe "One-derland is just a short 70 pounds away...get up or you could be headed back to three hundred land."...or everyone's favorite "Does everything still jiggle when you walk?....then get up!" I'm sure I could come up with a hundred more, but for now this is motivation enough :).
I had an epiphany today around food. I think I will need to have a million epiphanies like this in order to get myself where I want to be. I love Monday's (that's not the epiphany), because I get to see some of my favorite people in the world, my high schoolers. I love the hours of 2:30-6 on Mondays. That's the time I'm in my office and they come in and out in groups, hanging out, talking, laughing and being in relationship with each other. Getting to be a part of that is the happiest time of my week. We then have our official meeting at 6, get down to business and then I get to share a meal with whoever is around afterwards, usually the same crew. I was going to 'skip' dinner with them tonight because I had started a new "cleanse". I was chatting with my 'president on paper' and was explaining why I couldn't go to Pho with him and others tonight. I was on my newest 'fad cleanse detox plan'. This is like the 3rd one I've tried in the last 2 months, that's a problem. I didn't think it was a problem, but it is. I thought I was just seeking to be healthy to get myself that next "jump start" on weight loss. But I know from experience and surprisingly I was reminded by this awesome teen in my life that this isn't what creates long lasting change. That's a state of mind. I also realized that doing this cleanse for 3 days isn't going to do a whole lot for me except make me want to eat the things I "can't have". I remembered why I loved WW when I started it....I could eat whatever I wanted, but I just need to be in control and in moderation. I had been doing so well all day and all I wanted to do was go eat Pho with my favorite people. I was going to deprive myself of that, even though I was well within my points, for the sake of the cleanse. I'm crazy. I can determine though that I was me looking for that next quick fix. The world tells us all we need is this great new product, just buy these pills, just buy this workout dvd, just join this gym and the fat will just fall off of your body. So........NOT TRUE! Though I continue to believe these lies. So again I am thankful for my teens and what they bring to my life. Clarity.
So....I had a great day, started it off with lap swim, ate really well all day and ended my day with some amazing Pho with some amazing people in my life. I am now setting my alarm to "Do you want to be this fat forever?" and I have my bag packed for lap swim with my girl Sara in the morning. I'm gonna finish off all the great dark green veggies and lean protein I got for the cleanse and leave my dinner choices up to me. I feel great about that balance. What do you think?
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