I'm home....for a 36 hour visit. It was necessary. I needed some time to collect myself after two pretty crappy weeks. Crappy in terms of food and choices around food. Now I'll admit, being home doesn't bring out the best in my food choices. I learned ALL of my bad habits in this house and in this town. I learned how to eat my feelings here and I learned a lot of other things here. A lot of the things I have learned here weren't bad for my health, they were good for my life. I learned how to work hard, I learned to push myself, I learned how to love others no matter where they come from.
I love coming home, it's worth the 7 hours in the car to be home for 36 hours. But in that 36 hours, I ate a LOT of sugar. I feel like my choices in terms of meals were pretty great, but snacking between meals here is the #1 issue we all have. I was in the mood to experiment with desserts as I was creating a new dessert for an event that I am catering tomorrow night. (Did I mention that I cater?, yeah...that's how much I love food) So, the dessert turned out great, but I had a whole pan of "test" material that everyone has been eating all afternoon and evening. I also felt the need to get myself a blizzard tonight after dinner, because we don't have then in Seattle and who knows how long it will be until I get another one. God forbid. I'm ridiculous, let's just be honest about that. I did get up this morning and made myself walk this morning. I hoofed it for about 45 minutes, a good steady incline and of course Pete at my side.
I don't have a whole lot to say tonight my friends. I am pretty frustrated with myself and my complete downward spiral, especially approaching a weigh in on Wednesday, having skipped last Wednesday due to my SHAME. It's clear that SHAME doesn't get me anywhere. It didn't spur me on to eat better, it did spur me back onto working out, but I kept eating heavy rich foods.
So, as we approach the third month of my journey, I am going to start a cleanse earlier than I had expected. I need ANOTHER kickstart. Not necessary the way I wanted to go with this, but it seems like the only thing that can re-focus me a this point. I need to focus on not eating and remind myself that the foods I have been dumping into my body in the last week, all those rich buttery delicious foods, are not what is going to keep my going. Those foods will not keep my brain rich and focused with nutrients. Those foods and all their fatty nature, cloud my judgement. I will never stop wanting those foods, but I can control them and not consume so many that they make me foggy. The cleanse helps my body feel clean and then I desire to fill it with cleaner foods. So, I need a detox of sorts and have purchased myself a costco size bag of lemons and will cleanse my heart out for the next week and then get back onto raw foods and proteins. I will also get back to planning my meals after that and keep on the journey downward (it terms of pounds), not the food spiral.
I'm hoping for more....from myself.
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