Whew! It's been four days since I last enlightened you all with my antics. I hope I live up to your expectations, and if I don't....well $%#& you! I decided at the beginning of this week to do my best to abstain from carbs in the form of grains for the week. I can tell you that I instantly failed that task this week. I would also like to say that it was unintentional at first. I did great all day Sunday because I was sick and I didn't really eat anything. Monday, I was still illin' and I didn't each much of anything besides hot liquid and alka-seltzer all day at work. After work I couldn't resist the invite to have Pho with my teens, nor did I even attempt to resist because I wanted to join them. In my mind I was thinking, Pho is so good for you and I just resisted a pink frosted cookie, go for it! It's broth, veggies, protein and it will be hot and spicy and open up my sinuses. What I didn't even think about until after I had consumed the entire bowl was that I had consumed a wad of rice noodles as well. Oopsie! But I needed the food, I hadn't eaten in two days. Being sick really threw me off my cardio train as well. I was in bed Saturday night and all day Sunday. Monday I was still so sluggish that I couldn't go much further than the end of the block and I was in bed minutes after walking through the door. Tuesday was a 12 hour work day and I felt like my head was going to blow up with anxiety and exhaustion. But when I got home, I hooked that dog up the leash and went out at 10:30. I didn't care, I NEEDED TO CALM MYSELF DOWN. My brain has been running 100 mph this week with the ridiculous amount of work on my plate. It worked, I slowed my brain, I worked my body and then I slept.
Now, I decided also that I would get up and swim this morning. Crazy I know. I didn't adhere to my strict 8 hours of sleep a night. But I haven't deviated much from it since this began. And guess what...I did it BITCHES!!! I got out of bed at 5:30am and headed to the pool, it felt amazing. I got to work, and before I knew it, today ended up being a 14 hour work day. Oopsie again! But not to worry, the last 3 hours of work tonight filled my heart with LOVE, but made my hand hurt like crazy. I love encouraging others and that's what I did. It made my heart happy.
I have failed everyday so far this week in my plan to not eat carbs in the form of grains. It started with the Pho and then it was crackers and then it was rice and then today it was half a bun. I wasn't necessarily angry with myself because that is significantly less than I normally eat, so I'm good with it. I will continue to strive to NOT eat them, but I know myself and it is one of my weaknesses, so I will pray for strength to keep them out of my mouth. Or I will pray for someone to slap them out of my hand.
Today is Wednesday....you know what Wednesday is? It's Weight Watchers Wednesday. I made it to the 12:15 meeting with my favorite Leader Linda. I was rushing from work. I had already had two cups of coffee, 2 eggs, a chicken sausage and about 1/2 oz of cheese for breakfast. Now, if you are a coffee drinker, you know it's a natural laxative. We all know I don't do well with poop, especially lately. My body has been all jacked up. Well....today was another one of those days. I jumped out of my car with my WW Book in hand and headed toward my meeting. I felt that drop in my stomach, that extremely unsettling rumbling and then the butt cheek clench! Ahhhhh!!!!! Panic Poo Strikes Again!!! Now, my WW meeting has a single bathroom, but the bathroom is right next to the weigh-in counter and the entrance to the meeting room. So everyone knows who is in the bathroom and everyone can hear what's happening the bathroom. Panic Poo is NOT quiet! Luckily, this same situation has presented itself before, in this same location. I now know the TJ Maxx next door has a secluded multi-stall restroom in the waaaaay back of their store. I veered to the right and booked it to the back of TJ's, my current savior. Ay yi yi! I made it, get myself up to the counter at WW and jumped on that scale.
The best part about today was that when I weighed in for the first time at WW since gaining all but .2 pounds of my weight back. Their computer was showing that I was up about 18 pounds from the last time I weighed in. The woman behind the counter just handed me my booklet with my weigh-in sticker and smiled at me. "Have a great day sweetie". NO JUDGEMENT! YES!!! You know why I friggin love that place, that's why. They get it. They know that shit happens and it causes us to stumble, to fall, to fall waaaaaaay down the hill. But when you show up and decide to get on that scale, they have nothing but praise for you, no matter what it says. The scale has never been my friend. The scale is even more so my enemy though when I have to get on it in front of other people. There is nothing I hate more than getting on the scale, receiving disappointing news or even worse, unexpected disappointing news and then immediately feeling like I needed to give a laundry list of explanations about why the number is bad. One of the worst places to get on the scale is the doctor. I swear that scale weighs me at my heaviest every time I get on it, even when I've lost weight. Then they put you in the room with the crinkly papered bed and you wait for the doctor to come in and comment about your weight. 'Are you doing anything to help this?' 'Have you tried losing weight?' 'My recommendation is that you drop some weight, it will greatly reduce the risk of a 20 page list of diseases and conditions.' Excuse me, doctor? DUH! I know that WOMAN (my doctor is a woman). Don't you think I've been trying? I mean I know it doesn't look like I have, but I have lost and gained the same 40 pounds like 3 times since I was last in here and it just so happens you are catching me on the gaining end this time. Who are we kidding, the friggin doctor catches me on the 'gaining end' EVERY TIME!
What I love about WW is that the number isn't BAD, it's a number and it's the truth. The truth about how your week was, the truth about where you are at physically and most likely emotionally at that moment. Then you get off and move on. You make plans for a better week, so that next week you can squeal with delight when you get your sticker!
The good news is I didn't get a "BAD" number today. I got a really number. It wasn't a huge loss, but it was a loss. I have higher expectations for myself and I think my body is still balancing out after the cleanse. I have to be happy about where I am a month in. I fear for the months where I won't lose a damn pound and dread even more the months where I will gain weight. It WILL happen, it's the reality of weight loss and how our bodies react. I know this, I just need to prepare myself so that I know this is not a reason to throw in the towel. I beg you, don't let me. I know I have the strength, but I may need some pushes...
So....
Current Weight: 280.1
Weight Loss this Week: 1 pound
Total Weight Loss: 13 pounds
Pounds to Go: 105.8
Goals this week....keep cutting back on carbs and upping my intake of fiber. Keep working my abs (one thing I have been doing daily). Cardio, Cardio, Cardio (baby move your butt, butt, butt). Pounds I hope to lose...3.
Continue eating and loving food.
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