The start of something new.....again

It's the time of year for New Years Resolutions. I have made quite a few resolutions in my life, most of them regarding my weight and my relationship with food. But at my current physical state, it's clear that none of those worked out, or if they did, they didn't last long. So, that is why my blog has transformed and taken a new shape. Because I desire to transform my life and for my body to take a new shape. I have started diet/nutrition/workout plans about a hundred plus times in my life and they last for a month or so and then I give up, or more importantly, I give in. I give in to my lust for food, I give in to my desire to eat all things I love, none of which are 'good for me'. And let me tell you, I'm not one to eat in moderation, especially when I'm eating alone. I hardly ever leave food on my plate, because you know, there are starving children in Africa and I can't disappoint them by leaving food on my plate to be thrown away. How distorted my view is....

My desire is to regain control of my eating life. This journal will be a place for me to be true to myself, to be honest with the world about my successes and my failures in the journey. I know from experience that this will be difficult and I don't want to give up. I want to show myself and all other forms of myself, past/present/future, that I can do this.

You see, I'm one of the healthiest fat people you will ever meet. I lead a very active life, I workout a few times a week, I have an active job, I am not one to sleep the day away or sit around and do nothing. I am constantly on the move. My last few years worth of doctors visits have left my doctor dumbfounded. She has watched my weight continue to fluctuate, most times headed in the upward direction, yet my blood pressure/cholesterol and overall health read as someone who is the epitome of physically fit. I am the exception. I don't seek to lose weight because I am unhappy with myself or because I have low self esteem. I have an amazing life, I have a family that loves me, ridiculously wonderful friends, I have three jobs that I wake up to each and every day that I can't wait to get to. I have everything in life that I want. I have a man that loves me, that doesn't judge me based on my weight. He loved me at my fattest and he doesn't notice when I gain weight. He doesn't notice when I lose weight either, but that's not something that bothers me. I made a decision about 12 years ago that I wasn't going to let others determine how I feel about me. I was going to love myself and seek a life that made me happy, no matter what that meant. I have found that life, it's not perfect, but I love it.

I am seeking to lose weight, because I want to live this amazing life as long as humanly possible. I am willing and ready at any moment to take my place in Heaven with my Jesus and my Bret Kyle, but I know that's not the plan that the Lord has for me. I desire to treat my body with the same amount of love and respect as I treat all other areas of my life.

I have a program that I know works and I'm going to stick with it (Weight Watchers), along with some other natural cleansing methods of getting nasty stuff out of my body. I am going to focus on getting out of the house to exercise (not my favorite activity) and getting my little four legged man out with me. He's been packing on the pounds as well because I haven't made time to get him out of the house. So, I purchased him a new coat (because he hates the rain and it's the rainy season here in Seattle) and a new harness with reflective dog paws. Pete has all his fancy new gear ready to go and I have about 50 different options for workout gear that I have built up over the years in my "active" drawer in my closet. We are ready, I am ready.

I am committing myself to the following goals:

1) Weigh-in and post my progress once a week (photos at least once a month)

2) Attend my Weight Watchers meetings once a week for moral support

3) Be honest with myself and with 'you' about where I'm at

4) Exercise (walk, swim, lift weights) at least 5 times a week and document my activity

5) Complete a Masters Cleanse once a month (7 days at a time)

So, tomorrow, January 3rd begins my journey. Tomorrow morning I will weigh in and tell the world what I weigh. Tomorrow morning, I will take a picture of myself in some ungodly unflattering outfit so at the end of all of this, I can see my progress of body transformation.

Here we go folks....