Day 414: Sitting with the positive

That's what I'm doing today, sitting with the positive, reveling in my success.  Please don't remind me that I have difficult decisions to make.  Please don't remind me that I have serious life issues to sort through, to evaluate, to conclude.  I need to sit, to hang out with my positive side, my kick ass side.  Today....I weighed in.  Today...the scale was nice to me.  Today...my hard work paid off.  Today....I lost a pre-schooler.  When I lose weight, I like to equal it with some real life picture of what that looks like.  So, after weighing in today, I texted a good friend to ask her how much her daughter weighed and she said...31 pounds!  YES!  Victory!  I lost a pre-school aged little girl off of my body.  It's amazing to look at her and realize I was lugging that around all the time.

So...where am I at.  Let's get you the facts, the 411.

Starting weight before Halloween 2012:  303 pounds (ugh, don't remind me)
Weight right before Christmas:  283 (wahoo, 20 pounds gone!)
Weight mid-January:  290 (that's how quickly I have the ability to gain weight...impressed?)
Weight today:  273!!

So here I sit reveling in my positivity.  Basking in the glory of the amount of "likes" I get when I post this success on Facebook.  Good job ME!  Thank you Advocare!  Finally I feel like I have a handle, finally I feel like I have grasped success...I never want to let go and I never want to look back.

My health and my weight have always been the part of me that was holding on, never allowing me to take control of it.  It was the part of me that felt like a cancerous tumor.  The part I couldn't get a handle on, I couldn't heal it no matter what I did.  This time it's different....like really different.  Not like all those other times "it was different", if that make sense.  Finally having a hold of this, finally having a handle on this is causing me to engage and reflect on the other parts of my life.

Is it good enough?
Is this what I want for the rest of my life?
Is this the best thing for me?
Am I settling for less than the best?
Am I settling for what is good enough?
Do I deserve more?
Are my skills being utilized to their fullest potential?
Can I see this me being happy 10 more years down the road?
What do I want out of this life?

I'm at a crossroads. Transition has been at the fore front of my life the last 5 months.  Everything is in transition.  Transition is hard, transition likes to beat at you until it hopes you fall down, transition is often not your choice, transition has the ability to create pain and joy.

More transition is coming...some slowly...some more quickly.  I don't have it all figured out yet, but it's coming.

I lost a pre-schooler today!
For now, I sit...with the positive.