Day 118: I've got a golden chance to make my way!!!

Cause I've got the golden ticket!!

I do have the chance....a chance to start new and fresh and get my ass in gear.

I don't have answers to all of the questions I asked in my last post.  I continue to seek, I continue to ask why, I continue to learn about my shortcomings and how I can overcome them.  How do I do this?  How can I be successful?  How can I move forward and stay consistent?  

I need again to show myself and prove to myself that I have the stamina, the ability to stay in it to win it.  I am so good at getting a jump start and losing some initial weight and getting some good habits going and them I totally blow it.  I lose myself, I lose my motivation and I find ways to make excuses.  I started this blog to hold myself accountable, to share my journey.  Unfortunately the accountability isn't there, but the journey is present.  This is the part of the journey where it's ugly.  My warts show as well as my stretch marks.  Yuck!

So here's what I've determined for now.  I'm gonna take some help and some inspiration from someone else.  I need to break some habits.  I need to free myself from some of the food bonds that chain me to this lard filled body.  I have a friend, a smart/beautiful/no bull sh** woman that I know that has started a blog this year as well.  Challenging herself to stay committed to things for 30 days at a time.  Here's a link to her blog, it's great, read it!  http://challenged30daysatatime.blogspot.com 

I've been thinking about what I need, it's a challenge that I can tackle.  I love rewards, I love being rewarded and I love rewarding myself with food.  I want to reward myself with other things.  I want to change that way of thinking....away from food and into a era of self care.  For every challenge I can complete and for every 10 pounds I lose, I get to do something to take care of myself.  Things I love to do that I would consider a reward....pedicure, massage, spa treatment, new shoe purchase or home purchase.  

Now let's talk about things I love that have gotten me into the mess over and over and over.  Nothing is a bigger vice for me than fresh french bread and good salted butter.  I could eat an entire loaf of crusty fresh french bread and butter on a daily basis.  You might see me on my own reality show "The One Ton Woman" if I allowed myself to do that, so I refrain...most of the time.  Mashed potatoes with butter, cream, sea salt and fresh cracked pepper.  Ummmmm.....probably the best thing since sliced bread...literally, my number two behind fresh sliced crusty french bread.  I want to overcome the need I have for heavy fat filled carbs.  I want to view them in a healthy way, minimal.  That is something I have never been able to do.  I'm going to overcome my carb crazed brain.

I want to seek to do this for longer than 30 days, hopefully a lifetime.  I don't want to completely cut out carbs, but for the first few months, I need to drastically reduce my intake.  I know that it will make my body feel better and provide some health benefits.  There are carbs in almost everything.  I want to cut out carbs in terms of grains and starches.  So breads, rice, tortillas (ahhhh!! mexican food), potatoes, crackers and things along those lines.  I am going to limit my intake for the first two months to one serving a week.  Normally I would consider a serving to be all the grains and starches that come with a meal, but I really want to limit it to a single serving  (2 slices of bread, 2 tortillas, 1 cup of rice, 1 cup of potatoes).  This should be too difficult for me, because I love meat, I love veggies, I love fruit.

My other challenge and concern is going to be in terms of activity right now.  I need to get going.  I just got a bike.  My goal is going to be to ride to work when it's sunny out.  I haven't tested it yet because I still don't have a helmet, but I predict that I could ride to work in 30 minutes on the trail that runs from my house to Ballard.  That's the same time it takes me to drive to work with a stop for coffee.  If I cut out the coffee (money saver) and don't drive (money saver) I will be gaining in all sorts of ways.  Besides the bike, I need to walk.  I have decided that with our current financial situation, I won't be a the pool.  It's too expensive for us right now with our current bills and the goals we have.  So, I'm going to focus on free cardio.  If we have a weekly walking date, WE ARE BACK ON!!!!!  This week, we are on.

I am almost 4 months into this journey and I haven't posted a weight loss or a photo in the last almost two months.  I'm embarrassed by that, I want that to change.  So, my challenges will start May 1.  In my perfect world, before summer camp started on June 25th I would be back to where I left off in terms of weight loss and it would be a miracle from above if I was even beyond that.

So here we go....wish me luck.  Bread, butter, potatoes, cream.....boy am I going to miss you.  But I think our relationship is about to change for the better.  I will still love and appreciate you, but I don't want to sedate myself with your goodness.