Day 77: Over the river and through the woods

Let's get right to business!  I have been out of cell service and internet range for the last 3 days and had a hell of a week last week which is been my delay in updating you all.  I did weigh in, however it wasn't at my weight watchers meeting like I had planned, it was at home the following day.  Wednesday was one of the most emotional days I have had in a LONG time and a series of unexpected events kept me reeling all day long.

First things first...

Current Weight:  277.4
Weight Lost this Week: 4.2  (somewhere my calculations got off between my home scale and the scale at weight watcher, the reason being I weigh in with my clothes on at weight watchers and I weigh in my birthday suit at home :)  Anywho...The weight watchers scale told me I gained 3 pounds last week and then I weighed myself this week at home and I weighed 4.2 pounds less.  It means I lost the weight I gained and more.  This doesn't line up with my last weight posted on the blog, but I'm feeling good about it nonetheless.
Total Weight Loss:  16.4
Pounds to Go:  102.4

Well there you have it, still on my way back down.  Feeling good about being on track and now I just need to stay that way.  This week hasn't been ideal, but my body has been doing well at telling me what it likes and what it doesn't like.  I took a group of teens up to cabin for a weekend retreat and I ate a lot of things I loved to eat in high school.  I made them tons of treats and lots of decadent meals.  My body was PISSED, at one point I actually had a violent vomit episode.  I went to bed because I was tired and still fighting a nasty cough and cold and my body woke me up to rid itself of the crap I had eaten that day.  I don't enjoy the vomit.  I like eating food and keeping it down, but I think my body was trying to tell me something.  Enough is enough.

I leave tomorrow night for a 6 day trip with more amazing teens and we will be on the road, which means eating out for every meal or eating what is provided at our conference.  I get nervous about that, the best part about this trip is that I have my man by my side.  He has been on a healthy journey as well since his colon cleanse and he has of course had huge success in a small amount of time.  Another plight for women, men losing weight faster and easier, SUCK IT!  Seriously, it's not fair.  BUT, the good thing is he is supportive and we have been talking about how we are going to stay on track and not just go nuts so that we come back bigger than when we left.  The bad part about this trip is going to be that the lack of sleep with be severe, maybe 4-5 a night if we are lucky.  So, caffeine will undoubtedly be on the rise and that's not something I get excited about.  We will keep pushing down the water, but the caffeine will be necessary for being a functioning human being.  This is one of my favorite trips that I take every year.  These teens are my life, they are the reason I get up every morning and do the things I do and the reason I work myself to the bone, so that I can give myself to them.

Never more has this been true than in this last week.  These have been some of the most emotional days I have had in this job.  Watching my teens struggle, seeing the pain of life be revealed in someone who has never allowed themselves to feel, is amazing and horrific at the same time.  The things I have heard and the things I have felt this last week will change me forever.  The Lord has shown me why He put me where I am today.  He has used the pain in my life for good.  He has used my life experiences to prepare me for the things I am experiencing now.  I seek to love, to love others I want to be loved.  I love my "kids" at the Club the way I want to be loved, unconditionally.  I tell them constantly that I love them, no matter what.  That I love them regardless of the choices they make and I will support who they are as a person.  I may not always agree with what they do, but I will love them regardless.  I have seen that come full circle many times, but none more real than the situation I had last week and one I had last year as well.  I will continue to love the way I am loved.  It's amazing....try it.

Pain is real, love is real, this journey is real.  I want to get back to my weight loss.  I feel like there is so much more to share and I will continue.  I am at one of those points in life right now where I wonder why the Lord has so much faith in my strength and abilities, cause I'm feeling at the end of my rope right now.  I know I am being loved and supported....but it doesn't make it easier.

I don't want to be fat forever...let's work on that.